This person wasn't really that interested in teaching and actually seemed resentful that they had to do it. And that became clear in the first class when they were using all this terminology that nobody, save for the PhD students, I think there was like three PhD students and then all the rest of us - save for those three students understood. And I raised my hand and I said, "I think there might be some confusion. This is our entry level class to this, this topic, you know, we're very unfamiliar with what you're saying." And he paused and he said, "Well, I thought you all had this other class before." And we said, "Nope." And I thought that would have cleared it up, but he kind of just kept going. And the purpose of the class was to learn how to design different like research implementation strategies. So like if you're trying to propose a solution to a problem, how do you design that well? This person, again, really only had interest in kind of their own research ideas and projects and getting those drafted into grants. And so very quickly the class became a grant writing course. It was almost like the original purpose, he just didn't even try to teach. Or he did, but it was via a grant application with very little support. So it was an incredibly frustrating experience. We couldn't just drop the class because it was one of those required core classes, and there was a lot of complaints from myself and many others going to the administration for our program. And it just, you know another layer of stress in what is already stressful for grad school. I just, I was over it. And so one day had been a particularly bad day. He had been extremely unhelpful. He'd given us a really unrealistic deadline for this grant application seeing as how none of us had actually ever written one. And we were supposed to be writing this grant application utilizing skills, like designing an intervention, which we had none because he didn't teach them to us. And I was pissed and so I drafted this whole long thing. And I don't even - I think what happened was there was a string of emails previous, in which I was communicating directly with him trying to understand the deadline, communicating more about I don't think that we…

If it's a smell specifically, new tire smell. Love the smell of like that rubber plasticy smell. Oh love it. You know you're going to Walmart and you walk through the the automotive tire section. Oh frick, I love that smell. I don't know why, I think it smells like the shop, like growing up my um, you know, my abuelo had a shop on the property because he was a harvesting and hauling company for oranges. So you had - we had to fix you know the rigs. We call them goats, but they're actually loaders. They just go slow, that's what we call them goats. They'll you know, they'll load - they're like tubs and you fill the tubs full of oranges from the fields. So that's what you do from the groves. Other machinery tractors etc. They didn't always do oranges, but that was a big thing. And the shop always had big stacks of tires in them and that's what it smelt like. So maybe that's why I like that smell.

Have I, or anyone I know ever bought a lemon? When my siblings and I started driving we all got really old used cars, but they were in pretty good shape, I would say overall. Our dad is a mechanic, and so he you know looked them over made sure the basics were working. And you know for the most part all of the cars that we had ran as long as we needed them to, I'll put it that way. But I remember my oldest brother had some Honda, little Honda thing, that was blue and I think I had a name as a lot of high school cars probably do. And shortly after he graduated it died. So my little brother was looking around for a car and he ended up finding one almost exactly like the original blue car. It was a red Honda. And he saw it driving to school, it was sitting in someone's corn field. And had probably been sitting there for a little while. So he had my dad come take a look at it, everything, you know looked good enough and he ended up buying it. So he drove that car, you know all summer or all spring and he would drive me to school most days, as well. So we were driving to school one day and it was getting colder out. So we had started the car and turned on the heat, and it just it smelled horrible, horrible and we realized you know, pretty immediately that it was coming from the vents. So we turned the heat off and just shivered, you know, the entire drive to school. It was kind of far. It was like 20 minutes probably. And same thing happened, you know, we didn't know what was going on. So the same thing happened at night or after school. We were driving home and we turned the heat on and it smelled horrible. And so we came home and we're like, "Dad, like what is going on?" And he checked it over and I think at the time I want to say he didn't see anything and so this cycle repeated and sometimes we would just have to like grit our teeth and bear the smell because it was so cold out. And I don't know how we eventually figured out what was going on. But…

Have I ever been that happy something ended? Sure, so many things. The one season I played softball in middle school, man I was glad when that was over. I was glad when - when Trump left office, but of course, that's not really over, over. There was a guy I dated,  and his name was [redacted]. And this guy randomly asked me out. I was working at the library. I never had anyone just like a stranger asked me out before - well I mean, I guess I had but not like in any sort of non-crazy creepy way that I would actually say yes to, anyway. I mostly was just feeling sad - sorry for myself. And I knew that this guy was not my type, but he was very attractive. So I was like, "What the heck? Sure!" And ended up dating him for a couple months. And like the whole time I was like this is not the guy for me and he was clearly looking for like a wife. And yeah, it was just, finally I was like I felt bad because it was, I was kind of just using him to feel better about myself because this attractive guy wanted to date me. And so I - plus we were just very different politically and all kinds of ways and so I broke up with him, and that was a relief, that felt good. I was glad that that was over. Except that I mean this is probably a bad but I mean this is before like I don't even think I had a cell phone. So like I couldn't just text him or like anything like that. Anyway, I called him and I couldn't get a hold of him. So I finally left a message that said, "You know, I don't think this is working out. But if you want to talk about it, you can call me back." And like I would never have called back. I didn't think he would I was just trying to be nice, you know, but then he did call back and I just had a landline. No, like I didn't know it was him. So I picked up and there he was and so then we had to talk it out and he was trying to convince me not to break up with him and it's…

Yeah, I got a new hamster by the way. I had one, he died recently. What happened was, he was a friend of mine - or so my sister's roommate now, and who is her best friend in high school had a hamster. That she didn't want anymore, which also made me very sad, but we'll talk about that later. She didn't want him anymore and I was like, "I'll take him." I don't - he's like he was already two years old at this point. He - there, they don't live that long, but I was like, "I'll take him and I'll let his live live the rest of his cute little life out with me." Like, it'll be fine. What I didn't anticipate was getting attached to him. So he died last week and I was very upset but at that point it was like well now I want another little guy. So, I went and got another hamster. Same hamster, the Roborovski dwarf hamster. They're very cute, and I love them. But mine now, I got used to having like one that was already used to people and now mine's like gonna - not bite me but, like does not like me that much right now because I plucked her out of her little house at the pet store, but I'm working on it. So that's why we're talking around her right now. So she gets used to my voice.