“It was the shortest wedding he had ever performed.”

You ask about if we'd ever been married. Yeah, I've been married for 47 years. And about our wedding day, that's always been a very interesting thing. My husband was in the military and Vietnam had just ended when we got married. And in order for me to go and visit him or be with him at all, I had to be -- we had to get married so I could be on to the military post and everything else. He had graduated from Michigan State's ROTC program. He was a newly minted second lieutenant. So he had like, no money and no power. But anyway. We were getting married and I was gonna teach junior high in southern Georgia, which I did do for three years while he was in the military. Our wedding was a lovely wedding in Northville, where I grew up, and, um, it was the hottest day of the summer, it was July 24th. And it was the hottest day of the summer and absolutely, positively miserable. The humidity was -- it was 93 degrees. And so was the humidity. It was so hot that our pastor told us later, many years later, that it was the shortest wedding he had ever performed. It took less than 20 minutes. He said to me that the entire sermon fit on a typed double-spaced page. Two -- or, page and a half of print. And he later, many years later, gave me a copy of the, of the sermon that he preached that day. But he said, "It's really not a sermon. It's more of a 'Here's what I have to say and let's get out of here ‘cause it's hot.'" He had fans running and the doors were all open because the church was not air-conditioned, but it was still a lovely wedding and it was, it was good.

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“At that moment man, I felt like the smallest person in the world.”

Tell us about a time where you've had your heart broken. Get ready. I've had it broken quite a bit, so. Um, hmm, the most memorable story I can think of -- I was just telling this to my friends today, ironically --  uh, was fourth grade. I think it was fourth or fifth grade. So at this time, I liked a guy, uh, we're gonna call him X, right? So he was -- he didn't even have that many qualities that I liked. I'm pretty sure I just liked him because he was like the class clown or whatever and I thought that was cool. Or maybe it's because he was athletic or something. I don't know. Back in elementary, if you were athletic you got all the girls. There's, there's no refuting that honestly, So basically he was the new kid of that year, or something like that. And he was Asian, he had pretty hair. And that's all it took apparently. I know it sounds very superficial. But then again, elementary school, it’s the place to be superficial, man. It's like the last place you can be superficial before your choices actually have consequences. So yeah. I liked him and I liked him for like, what, four months? Five months? For, for a bit of time. And then one day I tell one of my friends, right? And the problem is this is elementary, so we don't know what we're doing. That friend goes and tells him. Oof, that was not fun ‘cause I would say "Don't do it!" They do it. They, they do it. And so I was like, oh so embarrassed. And then next thing I know, dude comes up to my locker and he's like, "So I heard that you like me." And I'm like, "Oh dear me. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no." Like what, what can you do? What, what can you do other than say the truth? Because they've already heard the truth. They're literally just like confirming it one last time. What can you do? So I'm like, "Yeah, yeah." And so they just like look at me weird and then go away. And so, you know, I'm still wallowing in humiliation and all that stuff. And then we're at the -- I'm at -- I'm getting in line to walk to lunch, right? 'Cause in elementary you…

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“She ripped it in half the day before it was due.”

“Has your pet ever eaten your homework or ruined something that you've worked hard on?” Oh gosh, yes.  Okay, so my freshman year there was this huge group poster project about mental health. So my group was making this giant poster that was cut out in the shape of a face with tons of information about OCD and it was all handwritten and it looked really pretty. And my puppy, Lady Madonna -- I love her but, oh gosh, she ripped it in half the day before it was due and then I had to redo the entire project for the group. Luckily, I had pictures of it, but it was not fun.

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“How is this supposed to help me get practice for playing goalie?”

I am going to be talking about what has happened today, um, during my soccer practice. So in a different diary, I have said some things about my soccer team. And today, something kind of silly happened. So, um, we were doing a scrimmage -- and if you don't know what that is, it means like a non-real game. It's just where your team gets split up into two. And I was playing goalie for my side. And what happened was the, the, um -- well, my teammates were keeping up the ball -- the ball up the field, I mean, so much that the ball only came to me once. Like literally only once, like it never came up to me. And I’m like, "Uh, the ball's not coming to me." In my mind I was thinking, "How is this supposed to help me get practice for playing goalie?" And then we were -- and then we had like a real-ish scrimmage, I guess, against the girls' team that play in the field right next to us. Well, it's, it's technically the same field but in a different soccer box, I guess, since there are the sidelines in -- behind the goalie b- box. So it's kind of like a rectangle. Let's say the other rectangle. And they play there and sometimes we scrimmage them. And the thing is me -- I, I think most people on my team were like dying to play some soccer because, um, last week one of our practices was canceled and we only have two practices every week. Plus our game was canceled, so I didn't get to play as goalie last week, but now I think I am. Um, and it was pretty funny. But in the girls’ scrimmage the ball did come to me a bit more. One time, my friend, who is on my team, was playing defense -- or when I was playing goalie, they were playing defense. And someone was running up on the other team with the ball. This wasn't the -- our scrimmage, it was the game against the girls. It was only like 20 minutes long. And they were right at the goal. But -- and they were on the left side and I didn't know where my left defender was. So I tried to -- so I grabbed the ball, but then I didn't…

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“It really doesn’t fit me very much, but that’s why it’s Wacky Tacky Day.”

Oh, yeah, today is Wacky Tacky Day. And it's fun! I'll describe what I'm wearing. So, in my hair, I'm not really [doing] anything crazy, but I have half my hair pulled up into a bun and the rest is down. And then I'm wearing the bright, um, orange shirt -- like, a neon orange shirt, and under that, I'm wearing a gold academy shirt? This gold academy shirt, I actually won it during a challenge thing. So the challenge was -- um, I was at this camp, and it was a girls and boys camp, and one of the days -- every day, they would pick someone to shoot a free throw, and if they made it, they'd win like a jersey or, like, something like that. And the day -- that day's thing was a jersey, and they picked me to shoot the free throw, and I made the free throw. And then they gave me the jersey, but since it's a men's and women's camp, first grade through tenth grade, it's a men's large. So it really doesn't fit me very much, but that's why it's Wacky Tacky Day. Um, and then under that, I'm wearing my bear pajama pants and they're really comfy. I didn't wear them to bed, though. I wore other pajama pants to bed because I didn't want them to be dirty, cuz that's kinda gross. And then I'm wearing one dog sock and one snowman sock -- fluffy socks -- and Crocs.

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“I often don’t eat the birthday treats, but today obviously there’s no way I couldn’t.”

One of my students was celebrating their birthday, which is technically tomorrow, but they brought cookies in today. So they passed cookies out to, you know, everyone in the class and then right when she was done passing out the treats she got called to go home. I think her mom was picking her up to, you know, celebrate her birthday early. So she took her extra cookies and she kind of bolted down the hallway. And one of my kids noticed that I didn't get a cookie. So she broke off a piece of hers before she ate it and she gave it to me, but I refused to take it ‘cause I was like, "That's your cookie. I can't take it." So I kind of hugged my hands so she couldn't put it in my hand, and she set it on the desk next to me anyway, but like five minutes later the birthday girl came back to the classroom. She was supposed to be gone. She kind of like used her head to knock on the door because she was holding the tray of cookies with two hands and I opened the door and she was like, "I almost forgot my favorite teacher!" And she gave me a cookie and when I took it -- it sounds like I'm making the story up, but when I took it, the, the class broke out into a round of applause. I swear they don't do it all the time. It sounds like they do it like every five minutes but yeah, they just were pumped because they saw that one student tried to give me a cookie and I refused, so. I often don't eat the birthday treats, but today obviously there's no way I couldn't and that was a delicious chocolate chip cookie. So it's a win.

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“She didn’t just chew it, she ate it. She was pooping out $20 bills.”

I had a, a basset hound named Julie when my kids were little, and she was constantly chewing something. We couldn't leave our shoes down. We couldn't leave our socks down. My poor [Name’s] Barbie doll set was cremated by this dog. And it was a Friday afternoon when I came home and I put my purse down on the floor, where I never kept it. I always put it on the table, but this day I put it on the floor for whatever reason. And it wasn't zipped. And Julie got in it, unknowingly to me. And she ate my envelope that I had just cashed my paycheck in. She didn't just chew it, she ate it. She was pooping out $20 bills. It was awful. I was beside myself. But I washed off those bills that she pooped out. I followed her for days pulling money out of her poop. And I washed them all and I took them to the, to the bank and so long as they, they could read the serial number, they would exchange the money for me. And I got most of my paycheck back that way, but oh my gosh. It was a crazy couple of weeks.

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“I literally got my favorite childhood tree in my yard.”

…And I was like, “Oh, I love sycamores,” you know. ‘Cause I saw a sycamore when I was a kid. My dad would take us when he was first divorced. He actually did like stuff with us, you know, and after time went on he then he just couldn't care less about our visits. But I feel -- anyway, but those initial times were pretty great and So we went to the Morton Arboretum near Chicago. So there was -- in -- so we would take the smallest Circle route. My dad -- even then he wasn't very fit back then, so we would do this small circle. And it was called the Morton Circle and in the Morton Circle there was a sycamore tree that was like my favorite and it would have this kind of peeling bark on it. I thought it was just such a pretty, pretty tree. It was one of my fond memories of the Morton Arboretum.  Anyway, so now fast forward to today. I am selecting a tree. So I finally look online to a bunch of places. Look at the catalogs, see that there is a, like a sycamore tree, and they only have one available at this nursery. So I'm researching that kind and I read it's a London Plane Tree. Once it was delivered and arrived at my house -- I kid you not, this is what -- I think I'll end on this note, this story, because this is wild. So I didn't see the tags at the time that I was at the nursery. But I pull off like the tag and it says Exclamation! London -- like Exclamation! London Plane. And I go on the internet and I Google like what we had – What about this tree? Like what attributes like does it not like how tall does this one get? is going to be this massive unruly tree? all this jazz. So apparently the actual trademarked Like official name of the Exclamation! London Plane Tree is called like the, the -- it's like, the Latin name and then it says X Morton Circle. So apparently this exact type of like, London Plane Tree of the Sycamore family is identical exactly trademarked to the one in the Morton Circle that I saw as a, as a little girl. So that's wild, like, I don't even think I…

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“We had a grandparents day on Friday”

So we had a grandparents day on Friday. I had three come. Which is a good show. and I went to lunch at -- after and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings and that was fun because I like spicy foods a lot. So I get like one of the hotter things on the menu. And I showed them, you know, my grandparents, some of the things that we do in class. They actually did one of the assi- -- one of my graded assignments for me, which was kind of funny, um, and feels like cheating. But it was allowed. And then, um, when you don't have a grandparent, you’re not actually allowed to be in the classroom doing the things. So I just chilled outside of Mr. [Name’s] room for like the whole, um, rest of the time after they left to go chill with my sister.

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“I got backswinged in the face with a driver golf club.”

So I was going golfing for like -- I've done it before, but not a lot. And it was when -- so my, um, neighbors, three of them, and then their parents and my brother. And I was like 10. And I was not careful and I went behind someone, and I got backswinged in the face with a, um, driver golf club. Who -- those things are big. It was -- my head felt so -- like my head was hot, like, where I got hit, and I could feel the goose egg. Like I put my hand over it and I could feel the goose egg growing and growing, and it was so scary. So then finally, I went up to my brother. I didn't cry yet. I went up to my brother and then after he started talking, and then I started crying ‘cause... I don't know. It was -- but he saw it growing too. So his eyes were like {gasp}. And he like, kinda just gasped. It was kinda funny. But, so we -- I went home, and -- reminder, this was probably five minutes within being there. Like, we were only there for like five minutes. And then everyone had to go home. And I laid on the couch. My neighbor’s mom, she gave me a cold ice water bottle on the way back home. But when I got there, I just got home, I laid on the couch. [Name] She was my neighbor back then. She came over and we watched the Bee Movie together. Um, and it really hurt and I had a giant lump on my face for a long time. And, I don't know, surprisingly I wasn't self-conscious about that, but... it was kind of bad.

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