A guy asked me out for coffee saying that he he just felt like he needed to to make more friends and I was like I took this at face value and I thought to myself. "You know, what? Yeah, I could use more friends. Dang it. I'll go on this date". Wait. No I will not I won't go on this date. I will go to coffee with this guy. Sorry, I have to go in a room because my children just got home. My children are very loud, like most children. So I said yes and I went and you know, it was okay. It was a little awkward because I'm just like, you know socially incompetent and he was a little bit awkward too and I went home, you know, he drove me home and I was like, "okay this is -- that was okay. Um a little odd". I probably wouldn't want to necessarily do it all the time. But he's a nice guy. Um, and then he wouldn't stop calling me. Like I went on vacation to the west coast to visit friends and I was hanging out with friends and he just kept calling me and I told my friend, my best friend, I was like, "I don't understand it. Like I'm on vacation. Why would you call somebody that you know is on vacation visiting people? Like they don't want to talk to you, they want to talk to their friends that they're visiting". And she very kindly was like, "Okay. I'm going to explain something to you. And that's that when a guy in his early twenties asks a girl in her early twenties out for coffee to be friends, what he means is that he is looking for a romantic partner and he would like to -- He would like you to go out with him to see if you could be potent -- like he likes you." Basically. Yeah. Yeah, and yes, I had to have somebody sit me down and tell me "hey if a guy asks you out for coffee, it means that he likes you." And I was incensed. I was like "Well dang it, if he -- he said he wanted friends". Like if he had straight up told me that he liked me, I could have turned him down and we could have avoided this…
Have I ever had a personal experience with double standards? I definitely have. I do a lot of things where not that many women are prominent in the field or women of color. One of those things is chess and another one of those things is coding. And you know, I guess you know even even like this Monday this past Monday, I was playing chess against against this old man, and I won and like his whole friend group was like, "oh my God like you won against you, you lost to a girl, you lost to a girl". But like literally like a half hour before, a boy beat him and none of them said anything like that. And so that's a double standard I've experienced in terms of like woman winning, winning against a man in chess and then the same with like coding, you know. When you when you go to a lot of coding events, there aren't that many girls present and so, you know, you just get like those weird looks. In terms of opportunities, there isn't always equity in that, but I do think that we've come a long way and that we need to acknowledge that. You know, no matter what double standards are always gonna exist. You just need to make sure that people who, you know, apply to those double standards or take part in those double standards, you know. Those those numbers just need to be lower.
Let's tell the story of Tennessee. Oh, yes. Yes. So our sister she -- we were in a hot tub and she was in a hot tub. And well we were all in hot tub with a so we were sharing a house with my mom's friends family. And so we were all in the hot tub and our sister was leaning up against like the water jets or some filter, The vents! The vents. And what happened was she got stuck to it. And so she was stuck in the hot tub and she couldn't get like out, the suction was so bad. And then when she finally did there was this huge mark on her back and it was so funny. Don't tell her that but it was so funny. And now like basically to this day there's a circle thing on her back. There is not! That is such an exaggeration. No that is not true. She is lying, but -- But there was one for like week. Yeah for a week it was.
So I've never eaten food that's made me sweat because I'm not one of those people that chases painful foods. And I don't understand why people do that. Sorry, if something was advertised to me that way then I would avoid that thing. I like spicy food, but not hot spicy. Like I don't need my food to be painful. I have almost passed out from the heat though. Once in high school, my friend wanted to surprise her parents by creating this little patio in their backyard. And so we got all the supplies from Lowe's, like all the brick thingys and then sand. And I don't remember what else but like it was super super hot and like so like unloading these like, I think they're like 50-pound bags of sand. And loading them in another truck and then unloading them at her house and then the same with the bricks and everything was just like super intense. And I got really dizzy and almost threw up and and then like almost passed out and I was like, "Whoa! Maybe you should take a break." This is not a dramatic story. But that was the time, I almost passed out.
There were many times where I would have a late class, be studying in the library, be doing things in the lab late at night. And you know when school's in session, it's the winter so it gets dark really early. You know, it could be seven, eight o'clock. It's not that late, but it's very dark. And just because Detroit has the reputation that it does, my mom always felt better if I had a male friend who was walking with me to my parking structure or to and from buildings. And what's odd to me is that I spent 10 years in martial arts and have two high degree black belts. So I have the ability to physically defend myself, but I also have the ability, the wherewithal to know who to call. Like campus security, the police department, or the you know the police. I know what to do if I feel unsafe, so the fact that I was specifically told to have a male with me, is also a double standard. Because again, it supports the notion that a woman is a dainty flower that needs to be protected. Rather than teaching people not to attack other people. If that makes sense. So, I think that that would be my experience with double standards. It's a lot of that, and it's very ingrained in conversation, very like a normal thing for a girl to grow up hearing. You know, "Don't dress this way because you're going to attract attention or attract problems," and so on. Rather like we're told that rather than hearing boys be taught, "They're just wearing clothes. They're not quote, 'Asking for it'." If that makes sense, boys are not taught, "Don't attack girls." Rather girls are taught "Don't do this because boys will be boys and attack you if you do." And I have a problem with that.
This kind of does remind me though of another time my sister and I were in the Dominican Republic and we were visiting a friend of hers from college there. And she had planned a day trip for us on a boat to you know - you take this boat out you go to this island, you stay there for a while and then you know, then you come back and it was I don't know if her friend knew exactly what the situation was or if she did and assumed that we would too but my sister and I were completely not prepared for what this trip actually was. It was totally a party trip.Like it was totally you drink from the moment that you get on this boat - probably even before you get on the boat. All through the boat, I mean people were just going crazy. I mean everybody was in their string bikinis jumping off the boat. I mean getting to the beach and you know, just totally, you know, totally a beach party trip. Totally not my sister and my scene at all, and neither one of us had our bathing suits which again, I guess you think okay, you're going on a boat and you're going to a beach on an island, yep we probably should have assumed that we needed our bathing suits. But we didn't, we're not super water people like we just we didn't we didn't even think. So we're - I'm, I was there - I think I even had like capris on I didn't even have like a skirt or shorts or anything. I mean, I think I had like sort of capris that definitely like covered my knee. I think they were black and then like just a t-shirt no tank top. No, I mean really again and I think everybody was kind of looking at the two of us like what is going on and my sister always wears like any time that she knows she's gonna be out in the sun - which again she kind of thought she was gonna be out in the sun being on a boat or at the beach she always wears long sleeves. And oftentimes long pants too with UV protective, um clothing because she burns so easily. So I'm pretty sure she had on like her full UV, you…
So I have, I have an older sibling, and you know, siblings have the kind of relationship where you'll take pictures dressed in weird outfits, you know, making funny faces and send them to each other. And so, me and my sister have a, have a funny, we have, a funny picture, folder, or album, and it's a shared folder. And so, you know, in fact for her graduation, I actually took some pictures from that and hung them, and hung them up on her picture board. But, so I, I was going through my uncle's closet, and he's like six feet tall and I'm five feet and a half, and so when I wore his, I wore one of his tracksuits and it was super big on me. And I, you know, I dressed up like a rapper and I took a picture and I put it in our shared album. Um, you get a notification and so I knew she'd be notified about it. But instead I put it in our basketball team’s shared folder, and needless for me to say it, it was very, very bad because, um, everybody was like, “Oh N-Honey in the house.” You know, they, they -- I- I- still haven't recovered from that. Um, yeah, so lesson learned, you know, check what shared folder you upload something to.
I think, uh, there was one rainbow in particular. It’s hard to pick your favorite rainbow in Iceland. It’s like picking your favorite child. But, one of the ways I convinced myself to put the money down to go to Iceland was we found a house in rural Iceland that was just – I guess you would call it a geodome? It wasn’t actually built like a house, persay. It was a dome. And, to get there, we had to drive down a road that seemed like it was being made as we were driving it. There was a grader, um, basically, digging up road and – it was dirt, and, like, the only way you could get down it was to gun it in our – in our Ford Escape – which was known as a “Kuga” in, in Iceland – or else you’d get stuck in the road. So it was basically in this back country location and, uh, it was pouring rain when we arrived, but only, like, halfsie, so, and that’s the perfect rainbow building conditions. And just over our geodome house was a double rainbow. That’s, um, it looked like someone had come through with marker and just drawn it in the sky, Photoshopped it with their bare hands. Which is just called coloring. Um, it was — it was so rad.
I got a little rainbow tidbit um last summer when I was on a road trip with my daughter. We stopped at a McDonald's for a quick meal. This Mickey D's had two driveways that both took you to the same drive through and I inadvertently cut a fellow off, he cursed at me and I shrugged in embarrassment. And I heard him yelling at me. I pulled up to the order box and told gal what we wanted to eat. We pulled forward and we waited in line to pay, he and his car load, he and his car load took their turn ordering their food. Sorry I am reading this. When I got to the Pay Here window, I paid for mine and my daughter's food and asked the gal how much the car behind me owed their food? It was $18 and some change, so I paid his bill too. We pulled forward and collected our food at the next window and as I was driving off, I heard the horn toot and thank you. It was a random act of kindness, but it was a rainbow to my embarrassment. And I probably made his day, too.
I love the stars. I love looking up at the stars. I will – oh my god, when I – couple years ago I went camping, um, in northern Michigan – I love Northern Michigan – um, with friends of mine. And we'd gone camping. And we were at this campsite near Mackinaw City and we literally spent – it was a really clear night. We spent the entire night just laying in the middle of the road in the campsite and, like, this dirt road, with blankets, um, staring into the stars. And I saw my first shooting star that night ‘cause – one, I don't think we'd ever been, um – it’s never been clear enough to see stuff like that, but we – we saw everything. Like, it was insane. Like, I know, still, with light pollution, there's still a lot that we can't see. Like, we're not even seeing the half of it, even when you think you're seeing all of it. Um, which is really neat to me, too. Um, but, yeah, it's really – I really like it. I like when it's dark enough that you can see all of that, um, and it's super cool. We, like, laid on the top of our cars and just, like, stared at the, uh, the stars for a little bit. And that was really cool. And I really liked that a lot.