So, I was driving back from Chicago to, to Michigan with my dad ‘cause usually I take the train, but this time I was moving a lot of boxes with books in 'em, and so I needed somebody to drive me back. So essentially what I was doing, I was trading books with books. I, I was hoping that somebody could take my books, bring them home, meanwhile, I'm bringing my books back here. But yesterday I was with my dad in the car and we -- my dad’s a very quiet person, like a lot of the time I don't know what goes on in his mind, but when he talks and like shares stories and gets very personable, he's genuinely like a good person. Like, you know, when you look at somebody who's like a dad or something, you're just like, "This person was meant to be a dad.” I feel the same way with my mom, I’m like, “Yeah. She was definitely meant to be a mom.”  But specifically with my dad -- my dad and I have a lot of good conversations, the downside is unfortunately a lot of them happen when they are drunk, where I get the most “dad lore," the most juiciest pieces of backstory for my father. But yesterday we were just talking. My dad's an alumni at MSU, and so we were driving by because we were going back to my apartment and he, he takes a look around like a liquor store or something and he's like, “Oh man, I just used to have a ball there.” He's like, “I would go crazy and blah blah blah blah blah,” ‘cause my dad was a frat boy. Like, this I know. I know what type of frat he was in, I met some of his frat brothers, and to me that's like the hardest part to believe because my dad nowadays is like this very strict military guy, like, “Oh, I'm in the army, like, I never do anything.” And especially because I think both he and my mom hi- -- like, hold my sister and I to not so high standards, but they definitely think that we are better than they were in high school and college.

I was in class the other day. I'm currently on a study abroad trip in Dublin, Ireland and we did the still face experiment. We paired up with people and did an experiment where it was it from an outside perspective it looks like a staring contest, but we would close our eyes and look away, and then on the count of three, these two people would sit dead across from each other, open their eyes at the same time and stare at each other. And when -- the theory is that depending on how -- what stage of development you're in, you will feel some sort of reaction, um, when you look at the other person.  So me being the mentally unstable, insane person that I am, I close my eyes and look away. He goes, "three, two, one, open your eyes,” and I opened my eyes. I look at this girl straight in her eye, and I -- and my entire body does a backflip. It just completely freaks out and I'm like, "She hates me. She hates me. She hates me. She hates me. She hates me so much. And I'm going to die right now." But then I realized because we were talking about projection earlier in class, I realized that I was just over identifying with this feeling and I was projecting my own self-esteem onto this girl who has no opinion of me.  And that's what I've been doing my entire life is just projecting my own self-esteem onto other people and the circular reasoning of constantly being self-reinforced. Um, they hate me because they're doing this, and you know myself esteem is so low. It just keeps looping and looping and looping, you know -- er, it's my self-esteem is so bad because people hate me, and people hate me because of my low self-esteem, and it just circles around and around and around and around and around and around. And now that I realize that I've been doing this my whole life, I might be able to change it. Twenty years of this kind of sucks, and I feel stupid because I didn't figure this out until much later in my life, but this could actually be a massive game-changer for me.

Most microwaves have a spinning plate on the inside. When was the last time you were so dizzy you feel like your head was spinning? Oh my gosh. I -- it's funny, because I feel like when I was a kid, I used to like just go around and circles and like um, like my house was --  like we rarely had any furniture, so like I would just spin in the middle, and it was really fun because like my head got dizzy and like it was kind of like when you stopped spinning it kind of felt like the world was kind of falling down upon you, if that makes sense. I don't know like, kinda seems scary, not gonna lie, but it was kind of fun, I used to do it all the time. I don't know why I do- don't do it anymore, you know, I think it's just part of growing up. I guess I don't want to say that but like, you know, I've graduated high school now, so like what do you do after high school, you know what I mean? Like I really just don't know what to do with my life anymore, I guess. Um, yeah, I just I felt like I want to like accomplish everything in one day but obviously that's not how it's gonna work. We can't  accomplish everything in just one single day, you know what I mean, success comes with time, and you know, we should -- could just do a little by little each day, you'll see the difference later on. Um, see that mindset doesn't work on me, and I need to like -- I need to learn that mindset.  And that's kind of the mindset that I want to take over this summer. Like I don't want to be sad if I don't accomplish everything in one day, and you know, I guess today will be like the first day of my milestone and all the goals I want to accomplish. So after this recording, I'm gonna write down all the goals that I want to accomplish over the summer and have like a reminder on like  my phone, you know, say like you don't have to accomplish everything today. It takes time, success takes time, so just take it little by little every day and don't -- you don't have to struggle as much.