I don't remember ever having stage fright per se, but there was a time when I completely did not know the lines that I was supposed to be reciting. I don't think that it was necessarily that I was afraid to say them and I like tensed and I forgot them. I think that I just never really learned them. It was my senior year in college and it wasn't a very big presentation or performance. I don't even know what you would call it. But we as seniors in the German program had to present a, a reading basically. We had to memorize some sort of text in German and basically perform it in front of a fairly small group of people but still a, a group of people. And, I remember I was just so done with school at that point. It was right at the end of my senior year and I was done. And I remember not really putting in very much effort to actually learn this piece that I was supposed to learn and it was kind of a fun -- it wasn't a dry like text or it was -- I'm not even gonna say it correctly, Struwwelpeter?  I can't even remember what it was. But it was this -- I mean, it was kind of a children's story but like a very, very creepy adult children's story. And I just didn't know it, like, I just did not know it. And I went up there and I -- like I said, I don't think I was -- I don't think I had stage fright or I don't think I was really afraid to say it and I kind of just stood up there, like I really don't know this. And somebody else who was clearly a much better student that I was at that point. I think she had either learned the same thing or she -- maybe we'd practiced it. I don't -- somehow she kind of knew what I was supposed to say, so she was like trying to help me along with it to kinda prompt me so that it would maybe cue me into actually saying the proper thing. But it, it never -- it didn't. Like I really just did not do well with it at all. I don't remember if we were graded on it or what…

Speaking of which, I need to get an axe, and I don't know if getting a used axe from the internet is a good idea or a bad idea. And before you connect one and two together in a bad way, my neighbor finally downed the dead birch tree in her yard, finally. And there's a lot of really good logs. And it turns out birch is actually pretty heavy. I don't own a chainsaw, um, because I just -- I've never needed a chainsaw. I ha- -- Do I have loppers? I don't think I even have loppers. I think I just don't have anything. I have hedge shears, but that's not quite what I need. And I need to get an axe to split the wood. But I don't own an axe. And I mean there's the question of what happens when I buy a used axe, and what did the previous owner do with the axe? And that's a scary question when you're buying off of, like, Craigslist or something 'cause Craiglist is kind of shady sometimes. Anyway, everyone's afraid to let me borrow an axe now, apparently, for murder reasons. Why would I murder someone with an axe? Um, yeah, so I don't know what to do because it's nice to have a bonfire, but it's also nice to be able to not chuck a literal entire log onto the bonfire and hope it catches. Hence, I need to buy an axe or borrow an axe. Apparently, no one's going to let me borrow an axe because they either like, you know, like I just said, or they just don't have an axe on them. I guess normal people don't just own axes for whatever reason. I've got a firefighter, maybe I can ask that guy!

I was in, I don't know, I think I was in high school, maybe younger, and we went to the wedding of the daughter of a family friend. And at several times during the service, and I mean several times. At least, at least twice, I think it was more. It would be at a quiet time. Maybe the officiant was intoning something, or during silent prayer, or when the bride or groom, maybe were saying their vows. Suddenly there would be this blast from the organ. And I don't know if the organist was like unfamiliar with the organ in that sanctuary, or if she was, you know, I don't know, wearing dress shoes or something that she didn't normally play in. But she was clearly like accidentally stepping on the, you know, the foot pedals or whatever, and I just remember it was like so startling. It would, you know, just kind of blast you out of the pew. And I'm sure she was mortified. But I thought about how like all these years later, I couldn't tell you which daughter it was in that family that got married, or like what her dress looked like, and the flowers, the bridesmaid -- anything, but I absolutely remember, I remember those organ blasts. So that may not have been the way that bride wanted her wedding to be memorable, but memorable it was!

When I went to high school, so I was a freshman brand new at a K-12 school. It was parochial Catholic school. And I didn't start going there till freshman year of high school. There were people that went to school together from preschool on who had established best friendships, histories, and that was a really hard -- like, the first semester, everyone was so nice and welcoming, and then you start to realize like who your people are.  And I remember for Christmas, I, I wanted to get along with everyone, and so I bought all -- everybody these little individualized ornaments with their names on them, and made them these peppermint bark things that my family would make, and I still make that, but I tried to put together these like really cute Christmas gifts for this group that I thought I was in. And they all exchanged, and they didn't buy -- none of them got me a gift at all.  And I think that's when I realized like these are not my people because they already had their people, and like they thought it was nice and they appreciated it, but like, they didn't think of me when they were planning their presents for their friends at school. I don't have friends with any of them. Like there's like one or two that like we follow each other on Instagram, and we actually are more aligned than we realized in life, but I don't talk to them like truly. Like it's a comment here and there. And then the majority, like, I don't even know what they're up to.

So a story as old as time, my mother-in-law says some pretty unhinged things, and they're always pretty harmless, but she fully lives in a reality separate from the one that everyone else lives in. So she'll say something with such conviction, and you'll know that it sounds really wrong, but the way she says it and the confidence she has, you start to question everything. So there was a time we were visiting, we were at their house, and they had just semi-adopted a cat that was hanging around their house, and it was a long haired -- it was really slight, like very small, but it looked like a Maine Coon, like really, really long fur, um, kinda that same coloring. And we're talking, and she's talking about this cat, and then she said, "Oh, yes, this cat is part raccoon, like half raccoon." And I was kind of laughing, like, “Yeah, it kind of looks like a raccoon”. Um, you know, maybe because it’s feral, she was saying that. And then it occurred to me, based on what she kept saying, that she like truly believed it was a cat-raccoon hybrid. So I said, "Oh, that's not a thing, like they don't mate." And she's like, "Oh, no, they definitely do." And I was like. "Well, if they do mate," which you know, maybe you hear about seals having sex with penguins or whatever, "like the action might take place, but they can't produce offspring." And I was trying to describe that to her, and she was just "Oh," like, "oh, okay. No, well it is." Um, so just like super dismissive. And like, you know, it's low enough stakes. It's like, I don't care, if you want to believe that that cat is half raccoon, go for it, it definitely isn't. But like, you'll bring it up later. Like something else that she said, you know, along those same lines, and it's just a very kind of condescending like, "Oh, okay." Like, you know, you say the thing that is actually the truth, and she just kind of smiles like you're out of it or out of your mind. So, um, yeah. That's, uh, that's a specific instance I can think of, but like I said, she really pulls a lot of those out of her hat.

And instead of a misclassification, I, this morning, was classified entirely correctly, apparently. I got a car semi recently, in the last eight months, and I haven't seen or been around family with it yet. And I don't talk with my family that much and so, you know, the car was a big deal to me and stuff. But like they haven't heard that much about it or anything. And I showed up at my grandpa's house today, and I pulled in the driveway, and there are many cars there. And then I go inside, and stuff is happening, and I'm not really thinking that much of it. No one's asking about it. We're moving on with our day. And then at some point, someone mentions how my grandpa has to go somewhere, but it's hard for him to get into cars. And it's easier if they're low to the ground, it's hard for him to step up. And then someone's like, "Oh, [Diarist's name] got that car that's really low to the ground out there." And I turned around and I’m like, "How do you know I have that car that's really low to the ground out there?" And they -- everyone -- just looked at me and was like, "Obviously that is your car." And that is because most of my uncles have pickup trucks, my parents have an SUV, everyone has American-made cars. Most of my family works for American car companies, right? It is Michigan. And I was sitting there with my little Honda hybrid. It's a Honda Insight, which is Honda's version of a Prius, but it's a little bit smaller than a Prius. So this is my little hybrid hatchback, and it did not occur to me that everyone would know it's my car.  I don't even feel like I talk about politics or things that often with my family. I kind of keep my mouth shut, but everyone knew. And I'm glad everyone knew, I'm glad that like, you know, even if I mostly keep my mouth shut, and I don't interact with these people that much, and I don't see them that much, at least they know enough about me that somehow every single person there knew it was my car. And it was, in fact! I love my car very much. Well, actually I kind of hate cars in general, and…

Me and my girlfriend went to see a band play at a bar when I was in my 20s. And she liked a band member, so she wanted to sit up front, right by the speakers. Well, I couldn't take it. And I shoved paper in my ear, and at break, she went to flirt with the band member and I realized I got a piece of paper stuck in my ear and I couldn't get it out. It came out of one ear, but not the other. And I had to go to the ER and explain to the ER doctor how a full grown lady got paper shoved down in her ears so far they had to use a tool to get it out -- a device. But it came out. But the day was -- the evening was cut short. That's for sure.

And then on the way back, I stopped at this place called [name] in [city], Michigan which is near [city]. It's like kind of right over the state line and it started out okay, but then this employee was like following me. And I could tell she was following me and I was like so creeped out. And I kinda like hurried out and I like went out to my car and she took a picture of my car which was really creepy. And so I asked her if she had a question and she said, "Yeah," but then she just walked away. And so I walked back inside and I was trying to ask her what her problem was and she said that she didn't understand why I was there taking so many pictures. And I was like so confused. And I asked her for a refund because like she ruined my experience, obviously. She wouldn't give me a refund. So now I have to like take it up with my credit card company, which is annoying but I was like a victim of criminal activity, so it shouldn't be hard to get a refund from my credit card, hopefully anyway.  But then I was like trying to email a manager or something because obviously like her stalking was so inappropriate, but then when I Googled it, I saw that PETA had been -- had tipped off the US Department of Agriculture, I think and they ended up being fined about a year and a half ago for improper care of animals, so then it all clicked and I realized that like she thought I was from PETA. So, when I was there, I had noticed that the aviary was in like really bad condition. So I went to the PETA website and I found their like non immediate danger form and I filled it out and, um -- the ironic thing is like if the woman had just like been better at customer service like I would, I would've left it alone or if she had given me a refund, I might not even have been as mad but like because she's making me go through all the work of like filing to see if my credit card and what not, it's making me like more upset and hopefully she has to suffer the consequences of her terrible…

The other -- another story is I took my grandma out to a car show in Cedar, Michigan 'cause my dad was -- had a car in the show. And they had one of those like tethered balloons where you could -- they'd take you on a ride. I'm doing air quotes right now which you can't see, but. So, you get in the basket, and it goes a certain number of feet in the air, floats around for a minute and then they, you know, take you back down. And I remember that I s- -- I asked my grandma if she wanted to do that. She's -- this was, this was probably just a couple of years ago maybe, and she's, you know, got her walker and you know, she's not, not super mobile, but she was like, "Oh, yeah, let's go do that!" She was like so excited to do it, and we were so bummed because they had just ended the, the rides and so like the -- when we, when we got there and saw it up in the air, that was like the last ride that they were doing for the day. So we were, we were pretty bummed because I think it would've been really funny to see her up in, up in a balloon, but maybe another time.

I think boats are really relaxing, and, um -- but one time, my boyfriend, this is before I met him, he was like, early 20s I think. Him and his friend were -- I think it was Pictured Rocks? So they were going up on that Pictured Rocks -- Pictured Rocks boat tour. And it was kinda like cool and a little chilly that weekend, and then they were gonna go camping.  So like, he said that he was on like the first level, and he's like looking at the rocks and stuff, looking at stuff, and then he got thrown up on by somebody from up above. And he didn't bring a blanket or anything, it was just his hoodie. And so he's like in the bathroom like, washing his hoodie off and he's like, "Oh my gosh, that's like so gross."  And then he comes out and as they're getting off the boat, these little kids come up to him, and they said, "Our grandma told us to tell you that she's really sorry and she- she's really embarrassed." Aw! And then, um, because him and his friend were camping, like, and he didn't bring any blankets or whatever, all he had was like that wet sweater. And I'm just like, "Ah, ew." So I think he rolled it up and used it -- had to use it as a pillow or something. But like I'm just like, "Ah. You know, that's a good reason not to go camping." So whenever we talk about like, up north or Pictured Rocks or whatever, he always has to tell that story. Not like it was traumatizing or anything! Aw, poor guy.