Note: There is language that is excluded in the transcript but not excluded in the audio
I just had a very magical evening last night. I had a girl over at my house! And, like, there are — I know there’s, like, so many other things that I have to do, but like, I had a girl over at my house! So it’s like, I don’t know. Everything, all the, the negative stuff kind of, like, doesn’t feel as bad, and it was, it was just, it was so — Oh my God. I don’t even have the English words for it ‘cause it was just so, so —
Okay, so basically I, so I have this [name]. She’s really cute. Um, and we were, we’re in choir class together.
And she recently came out as a girl, and so she doesn’t have, like, a whole lot of feminine clothing. And so one thing I notice is, like, we’re about, like, the same size. Physically. Like, as people. And so I was like, “Huh. I wonder if you would fit into some of my old clothes when I dressed more fem- when I dressed more femininely.” And she was like, “Sure, why not? You know, I’ll take any free clothes.”
And so I went ho- — so like, the last two weeks, I went home, and I rounded up all of my feminine clothes that have been sitting in, like, the bottom of closets. Not been worn for months, if not years. And I rounded them all up, and it was like, I got, like, a bi- — like, a whole, it was like, a diaper box ‘cause it, you know. It’s my parents that put it together, so that’s the boxes that they had. Um, and like one, a big bag.
And rounded them all up, took them back to my house up here. And so I was like, “Okay I got, like, a bunch of clothes for you, so you can come to my house and, like, try them on. We can have, like, a — it’ll, it’ll be fun.” And so she, she came over last night, and I was really nervous at first ‘cause, like, “Oh my God, I’m gonna have a girl over at my house!”
It’s like, I mean, I’ve had friends over at my house who are girls, but it’s like, it’s like those were people who I see as, like, friends first. And like, [name], that’s the, that’s her name, she’s like, she, like, yeah, she’s my friend and I care about her, but also she’s, like, a possible romantic prospect. And like, beforehand, I was thin- —
Like, I’m really bad at telling this stuff, so I was, like, second guessing myself a lot, but I did notice she kind of tended to act — like, she’s a shy person in general, but it seemed like she was acting more shy around me specifically? And so I was like, I’m like, “Is, this is, you know, that’s usually a sign that someone has a crush.” And so I’m like, I’m like, “Okay.” You know, ‘cause I thought she was, I thought she was really cute too. And so I’m like, “Okay. I don’t want to f*** this up.” Um.
And so I had her over my house last night, and it was so, so cool. She’s so pretty. And I got her to try on all my clothes, and she liked a lot of them. I mean, she didn’t like everything which, understandable. And, like, everything didn’t quite fit as right as she liked, but, well, I mean, I had, like, I had stuff that went from, like, late middle school, all the way to, like, my first or second year in high school.
And so, du- — well, I even had some stuff that I wear now, still. So I had like a, like a range of, of sizes and fits ‘cause I’ve, my body has changed sizes in tho- — in that time. But she’s, she’s so pretty, and she looked, it was like, she looked really good in my clothes as, like — part of, it was, like, an attractiveness thing, and part of it was just, like, those clothes looked so much better on her than on me!
It was like, like, I, you know, I picked out a lot of the clothes that I wore and had because I thought they looked, you know, they looked like good clothes, but then I put them on me, and I’m like, oh, this doesn’t, this just. this isn’t right. And so I did — I kind of have, like, this mismatch of, like, this is, you know, this is clothes that — these are good pieces of clothing that was good, but they just don’t look right on me. And it was just, it was so, like, personally just re- reassuring. I’m like, “Okay, the clothes are still good, it’s just different, different person. Different person.”