I remember there is a time where, um, we got into camp late in, I think, in coastal Oregon or maybe southern Washington. We had drove — driven up from California that day. And, uh, we were hungry, we were starving. So, it was dark out. We set up camp. While I got camp ready, um, my girlfriend began, you know, making a fire so we could — I wanted hot dogs, you know, something quick and tasty and so um yada yada yada, we, we do that, and we sit down to eat hot dogs at the picnic table, and my girlfriend puts her elbow down on the picnic table. And it's dark, uh, but immediately she feels a sharp pain. Something has bitten her. And we don't know what it was, but she doesn't handle pain well. So it was, uh, pretty traumatic, um you know. I can't remember if there was tears, but maybe. And the best thing I could think to do was to have her go to the car where there's light, and I was gonna go get her some ice to put on it because it was swelling up. Um so, that's what we did. She went to the driver's seat, I went to the passenger seat. And, um, I reached in the back and got her ice, and I sat with her to comfort her. And after, like, a minute, she looked over at me and she was like, "Oh my God." She's like, "Don't move." I was like, "What's up?" And she's like, "There's a giant spider over your head." And, um, I, I noted that there was indeed a spider over my head. And so then we got out of the car, and kind of panicked. The dome light was on so we could see the spider. The spider got a little spooked, and it climbed along the ceiling toward the back of our car, which is where all of our belongings were spread about. We had been on the road for weeks at that point, and it was just a mess back there. And so then we had to figure out what do we do about the giant spider in the back of our car. Um, and it was kind of high stakes because if we opened the door and we tried to knock the spider out of the car, but…

Anyway, this walking stick had stamps all the way down it of different animal footprints native to Michigan with them labeled. So, I took this thing everywhere with me, that summer. And we went camping at some point, and I'm walking to the bathroom, and I saw this huge paw print in a little sandy area by a tree. I’m looking at my walking stick, and I’m looking at the paw print, and it looks to me like a cougar because it was huge, first of all, but it also didn’t have nails, and — or like nail prints, I guess. Big cats have retractable nails, so you don’t always see them when you’re looking at their print. So, I rushed back to the campsite, and I tell everyone that will listen that I saw this amazing thing, and nobody believed me, and they told me either that cougars don’t live in Michigan or they’re really rare or something. So, I just — I actually didn’t really care that much, I kind of moved on. I think I probably felt a small bit of injustice, but nothing giant. And fast forward later into the week, my mom had been cooking us breakfast all week, and bacon was part of that menu, and she would throw the bacon grease out behind the campsite. So, on one of the last nights, the adults were sitting around the campfire, the kids, including myself, had already gone to bed. And allegedly, I heard this in the morning: they saw — or they must’ve heard something first, and then they looked up and saw the glint of eyes and were able to make out in the, I don’t know, campfire light, that it was a big cat. So, I think they just kept really still until it moved on. But the next morning, my mom told me about it and said they were pretty sure it was attracted to the bacon grease smell or the bacon grease. So, that was very vindicating. I feel like when you're a kid and you — I mean, I did have an active imagination, so again, I didn't fault anybody for not believing me. But when you're a kid, it's rare that when you are actually right, people find out.

This really made me feel disrespected, and this is about me. Maybe not their behavior might not have been about me, but this made me feel hurt. Somebody came up to me and more or less lied directly to my face about having been there the week before. Just, right, like, straight up, bold-faced lie — bald faced lie? I don't remember — like, it wasn't that they gave me some excuse, right? That I think would have been at least respectable, and, you know, as respectful at least to my observational skills and what have you to know that they were not in class to notice that who wasn't in class and who was, and also I wouldn't maybe have known directly that they were like, alright, fine. You know, that sucks. But this student just came up to me and told me directly that they were there. Now, I knew that they weren't there because only five of my students had shown up the week before and she was definitely not one of them. And quite frankly, I was like, so shocked by the fact that she had so boldly lied to me, after I had mentioned that I only had five students showed up. I don't know if she missed that, if she walked in late or something that day because I had a lot of students walk in late too in that section. It's interesting, that section is like, both my most participatory but also seems to be the most flippant about attendance and I don't really get that. But whatever. And it just, yeah, like I don't like lies. I don't like being lied to. And again, it's one thing to like — it was just — like it would have been one thing had she lied, like, even actually, like, lied intelligently to me.  There's just something about that that also just makes me feel like, "Oh, you think I'm, like, stupid, or you think that I'm like, gullible." You know, that's kind of what that, what that signals to me. Or kind of more importantly, you think like, I don't matter as a human being, like you, you are treating me basically just like as an instrument to your grade. Like, you, you don't, like, see me as a subject.

I remember when I was a sophomore in high school, I showed up to basketball practice the day before our first playoff game, our district opener, about 45 minutes late. And, um, you know, it kinda felt like a big deal 'cause I was, I was this small, kinda scrawny 15 or 16 year old playing up on varsity. Playing a forward position on varsity, which is usually reserved for taller, stronger people than myself at that time. And I was proud of being a starter on the varsity team. And then here I was showing up 40 minutes late for practice the day before playoffs, which clearly meant that I was going to lose my starting position, probably for the rest of the year. And it was kind of a big bummer.  And I remember my assistant coach coming over, just clearly disappointed in me. And I was like, "I'm sorry." Like, my excuse was like, "My mom forgot about me," which was totally true. And I remember him not accepting that excuse and he was like, "W- why didn't you run here? Or walk?" And I was like, "I did." Um, which was true. My mom did forget me. I couldn't get a hold of anyone's pager -- this was the year 2000, before -- right before cell phones became a real deal thing. So, like, if I needed a teammate's attention, there was a few of 'em that had pagers I could call. And so anyway, when it got to that point where it became clear my mom was not going to get back on time, I took off. I threw on multiple layers of clothing, tied my shoes into a knot and wrapped 'em around my head -- my basketball shoes, that is -- and began running. But as it turns out, it took me some time to cover that four to five mile trek to school. And, um, technically, yes, it was an excuse. My mom forgetting about me, me running to practice. Excuse. But I felt like it was always kind of a good one, in theory. You know, there's worse ways to be late which is, you know, when you have your own means of traveling and you just don't show up on time. In this case it kinda felt like it was out of my hands and I did what I could. …

The dog ate my homework is a common excuse. What's the best excuse you've ever gotten away with? I was on my way from -- I picked up my mom, and we were on our way down to Ohio to go to my great-nephew’s first birthday party. And we had a big, um, push toy wrapped up in the back seat. It was a big package and it was wrapped with a big bow. And that's what we were giving to [Name] for his birthday.  We get on the turnpike and it's hours on the turnpike. We gotta go just outside of Cleveland, so we were on the turnpike for a while and a cop stopped us because I was going too fast. And he walked around my mom's side of the car. I was driving, so he went to the passenger side. And Mom rolled the window down, and he said, “Where y'all going?” And I said the name of the town, and I picked up the, um, invitation, which had a picture of [Name] on it. And I said, we're going to this town. And my mom grabbed the, the invitation out of my hand and showed the cop the picture of the baby. “Isn't he the cutest thing?” she says, and she points to the thing in the back seat and she's like, “That's what we bought him.” And she went on and on about what we bought him and how he's gonna love it. And she had so much nervous energy, she's just talking this poor cop's ear off. And he said, “Well, ladies, just take it easy on the gas and get there safely,” and he didn't give us a ticket. And my mom got us totally out of that one, showing him the picture of the sweet little baby.

I went the other night and I stayed in a cabin in the middle of the woods. And it's -- there's, there's nobody out there. Like, there's no cell phone service out there. There's a wood stove in the cabin, and that's it. There's no electricity. There's not a toilet. Nothing. And, so, I and my partner were just kind of hanging out and just having a time, you know, having talks about stuff, like you do. I -- that might seem boring for people that are from downstate or big cities, but it's, it's nice to just sit by the fire and talk about random stuff and, you know, just be in nature. And all of a sudden, it sounded like there were footsteps. But there shouldn't have been anybody out there, right? Like, it's the middle of winter, it's not tourist season. There’s -- it’s the middle of the woods, right? It sounded like footsteps, but not quite right. Like, it sounded like multiple people, but it wasn't, like, heavy enough to be a person. And it also sounded like there was something on the roof, and it freaked me out. It freaked me out, and I'm a scaredy cat, right? But my partner's not. He's brave as heck. So I, I scurried into the corner of the cabin, and I waited for the sound to stop. Like, we stopped mid-sentence talking just to listen to what was going on. And after the sound stopped, I was like, “Okay, you're going outside, and you're gonna go check with your pocket knife, just in case, and your flashlight, and see who the heck is out there.” Well, my partner goes outside, starts making a bunch of noise, which tells me there's probably an animal around 'cause, you know, if you make a lot of noise, animals, they run away. He comes back in and he's got pictures of footprints in the snow, fresh ones. And they're big footprints. And if you know anything about cats, they have retractable claws, meaning that if you ever see footprints in, in like dirt or snow or anything, and you see claws, then it's not a cat because cats' claws retract into their paws. So, when they step, they don't leave the little dots, you know. It was a bobcat that had apparently jumped off the roof of this cabin. I guess it…

Friday, we went out, and I haven't gone out in a while. One of my goals is to one day do karaoke. And I don't know if it was a symptom of a stressful week, of not being out in a while, but like, [Name] invited me out with his friends to karaoke, and I felt literally nauseous. I've never had that reaction of -- to an invitation of going out. So, I was like, "I have to go, I can't become a hermit." And I'm so worried 'cause I hate like how I'd be perceived, like I'd get so nervous, and then we went there at this dive bar. We were the youngest table by maybe 40 years. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I feel like 40 is like too -- it was probably like 50, 60 years, like there was 70 and 80 year-olds there, and they were just tearing up some karaoke. I could not get enough of it. Someone was singing like, the, the, “Beautiful Boy of Company B." That was insane. I loved it. And then -- you're kidding -- this couple, um, sang, "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.” And listen, this old lady? Her shirt said “amore” on it. I was like, "You came prepared." I haven't drank since the new year, and I had two beers that night. This was my first like two beers of the year. And it was just one beer down, and I was just like feeling -- not like any sort of way, but -- yeah, I was just -- I gave -- some of the old ladies gave me hugs, and that was very cute, 'cause I was in no way drunk, just interactive. The vibes there were excellent. We even had one of like my boyfriend's older friends with us -- not older, he's like 50. And he was like, "This is the most fun Friday I've had in a -- maybe ever." And I said, "You know, honestly? Me too!" I think one of those, like, good coming together of just every age group that night. I love it. I loved it.