Anything been particularly difficult? I have a staff member resigning. She had a lot of anger with me, and her feedback is that I didn't make her feel valued, which is really frustrating to hear. I don't necessarily take it too much to heart. She's probably the fifth person I’ve supervised professionally and this feedback is new. Most everyone else has had a very different statement. A lot of times they leave for a different opportunity or like one -- they got a new job completely elsewhere. So anywho, but she's really good friends with one of my co-workers, and what gives me a little bit of not taking it so personal is how much those two have kind of like isolated themselves and alienated other people.  So like yeah, you don't love me but like, you didn't want to love me. You didn't want to work with me. You didn't want to talk to me. I would give you, you know, guidance as your supervisor and you blew me off and you went to your friend, who is my direct colleague. So, I'd say it was really difficult and that it's like annoying. We put ourselves out on a limb to bring her here, and now she's leaving.

A week ago today I went to my doctor's clinic for my annual wellness exam. That gave me an opportunity to talk to my doctor about the injuries that I suffered last month, when my service dog, a young two-year-old that I had just been partnered with, pulled me down in my front yard and drug me two or three feet, because my dog was in pursuit of a cat. My dog and I are no longer partnered. The company that trained her and provided her to me free of charge decided that we were not a good team, and that I was at risk of further injury. And I agreed with that decision.  I did not see my doctor when I went in to get my rib cage x-rayed. I saw a nurse practitioner that works at his clinic. The x-ray showed that I had two fractured ribs on the left side of my rib cage. The injury has caused great soreness for me on the left side of my body. In fact, for several weeks, I slept in a reclining chair because it was less painful for me to get out of the reclining chair than to arise from my bed from a prone to a standing position. And the soreness was going away, so I knew that my ribs were getting better, and I told the doctor so. But I had a lingering question about my left shoulder. My left shoulder had taken quite a bit of the brunt of the blow when I fell down. And my shoulder remained, has remained much more sore than my rib cage. And it seemed to me that my shoulder was not healing very rapidly. So I asked the doctor last week if the x-rays had also included my left shoulder. And he said no. And I told him that I was worried that I might have some dislocated bones or some small fractures where my arm bone hooks into my shoulder bone. So my doctor ordered two x-rays of my left shoulder and I was able to go in that same day and get the X-rays done. Two days later, I was contacted by my doctor's clinic and the good news is that I have no fractures and no dislocations.

And then Saturday was also a day we got to go see a Ghibli concert by the Lansing Orchestra, or sorry, the Lansing Symphony, Symphony Orchestra, and it was amazing. Like, it was such a nice break from these past two weeks of hectic work, day after day. And we got dressed up, my boyfriend and I, and it was actually a birthday gift from his cousin for us to attend, and so we got like, front row seats, and oh, it was so nice.  Like just being surrounded by the music. And they were playing a list of songs and one of the movies that they centered it on was My Neighbor Totoro, and they had a woman come in who like narrated scene by scene, like what happens in the movie in Japanese, which was like a really delightful surprise. I almost cried during multiple times for those pieces, because it just like, it was so real. Like, we are moving to Japan in three months. Like, that's insane.  And we had just loaded the car with the bunch of our items that we wanted to sell at the garage sale. And it's just like, hearing that piece and thinking about how we're going to be moving to the countryside and we get to literally live the life of Totoro, like we can start a family, find an akiya and like, repair it, and like be so surrounded by nature and like, the -- what, the community there? Like, not just like the people but also like the trees and having a garden and being -- or going on like nature walks and hikes and, I don't know. I could just go on and on about it, but I'm just so excited that all of this work that me and my boyfriend have been doing in order to get us into a place where we can even make that move, like is just mind blowing. And all of that like just came up right onto me, like just hearing the music and like my mind replaying the movie in my head, but instead of like the characters it was, you know, me and my boyfriend moving there.

There was this day last year where I and my partner went to one of the local beaches, and we were like day drinking. And there was this, this big little butterfly that was floating around on the beach, and it would land here and there. And I was like, "Oh, I wonder how close I can get to it." And so I like, I got down and I started kinda like ground crawling just to see how close I could get to it. And I got it to land on my finger. And I don't remember exactly what started this, but I was like, "It's trying to eat something on my finger." And I don't know what gave me the idea, but I like, I licked my finger. I don't remember if it was something I ate or drank, but I wasn't really thinking about it and I licked my finger and it went right to my finger again and started like eating my spit.  And I was like, "No way." So like I -- it flew away a little bit and then I spat on my finger again and crawled up to it again, and it went right back to my finger and ate some more of my spit. Which is really gross but like, you know, nature's gross. And then I made the connection, like it's probably all the sugar in my saliva from the booze that I had been drinking.  And like it kept, like, hanging around and, like would wait for me to like, spit on my finger, to, to drink my spit again. And I'm like, "No way. It's getting drunk!" Because then like, every time it would take off it'd be a little wobblier and like, "Not, not making so much sense there, butterfly." I don't know. It was really funny. I, I like, I stopped after a while, cuz I'm like, "I don't know how much booze this thing can handle. And I'm pretty freaking drunk right now. I dunno, I don't want to accidentally kill it." So I don't know. I totally forgot that it happened until I saw that video. I just -- it's a very -- I don't know. I feel like getting day drunk at the beach in summer in Michigan is a very Michigan thing to do. At least in the UP.

American Airlines was delayed out of Honolulu two hours, two whole hours. It was their technical issues. When we were descending to land in Los Angeles, I went to each of the -- I had to go to each of the stewardesses, the flight attendants and ask them, "Please, will you tell the people at the connecting flight that we're coming, that we're arriving, so that they hold our seat for us?" And none of them, none of them, not one of all the flight attendants bothered.  They just had this look like, "Ah, who cares about you? I'm tired. I’m going out for a drink." They all had this really bad attitude. Every single one had this really bad attitude, and none of them went to go tell, make a notice or anything. They didn't even care. And you know, from Honolulu to L.A. is just five hours’ flight. They can't be that tired. So we get to the Los Angeles airport. And we've -- Los Angeles Airport is huge. You've gotta get all -- and we had to find out which gate it is and run. My kids and I ran. With our luggage, we ran all the way to the gate. We got to the gate. We got to the gate before the door closed, but they had already substituted somebody else for our three seats. And I told them, "We're here! We're here! We're supposed to be on the plane. Tell them to get off and put us on the plane."  And they wouldn't do it. They wouldn't take those people off the plane and put us on the plane. They wouldn't do it.

It was quite humorous finding, going to this car stereo place. I, I got lost getting there and then when I finally got there I drove by it. I drove right past it because I was looking at a picture on Google of the car stereo place and it had this like big neon sign that said like "Car Stereo and Accessories Sold Here," or whatever, on the picture in Google. And so, I saw the building, I'm like, "That looks like the building I saw on Google." But there was no sign. And so, I was like, "I guess this is not that building." So I drove by it and then I'm like, "Wait no, that was the building."    And I had to pull over and like look at a map and everything. And then I'm like, “Okay, that was the building. There just wasn't, the sign wasn't there.” And then I zoomed in on the Google picture, and it was like a totally photoshopped picture. That neon sign was not on the building. It was like somebody just typed it on there, or photoshopped it on there. So I'm like, "Oh, okay this is like back-alley." And I, and I actua- -- literally went into the back-alley and they were, there was like these guys out in the back, and they were like smoking weed. And they were just like staring at me as I pulled up. And I'm like, "Is this the car stereo place?" And they're like, "Yeah? Do you have an appointment?" I’m like, "Yes?" And they’re like, "Oh okay. Well, just pull up front. Park in the front."   So, I pulled up front and like, there's no sign. There's like a banner on the top of the building that just says, "Remote starters sold here." And that's like all it had. And then this guy comes out and he's like, in totally dirty clothes. You know, it's, he's looking like a mechanic. And he smells like smoke and weed. And he's like, "Oh hey!" I'm like, "Are you [name]?" And like yeah, that's the guy I was with texting with.     And it was just a total back-alley operation. Like all the guys had like crazy hair and like dirty clothes and like all kinds of tattoos and it just seemed like, wow. It wasn't like going to, you know, ABC Warehouse or something. It was, it was very back-alley. But, it doesn't -- I looked past all that and I wasn't going to judge them. I was like, “Well, he sounded really professional on the phone and he really wants my business. So I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt.” And he was super sweet, super nice guy. And he talked to me a lot and he was really smil- -- smiling and he just seemed like a really nice person. You know it could be just like a businessman's facade. But, it was fine and you know he kept in contact with me very regularly. He called me like every day and texted me a lot and everything like letting me know everything…

My mom and I, and my sister love a bargain. Like, if something -- and we used to be like I feel like when I was in high school, I was really bad about this. Like, if something was on sale, and you were getting a lot of money off like I wanted to have it, it felt like wow it was like a lucky thing, it was like a once in a lifetime find, of course I have to purchase it. Even if it wasn't something that maybe I was like super interested in, it took me a very long time to break that habit. And the reason I bring this up is I think this is what happened with my sister and my mom.  I was at college they were off shopping and they found this leather jacket, really discounted and it was black and red, and it looked an awful lot like a jacket that Michael Jackson had worn in one of his really famous videos in the 80s. Like, which is cool but that wasn't necessarily my style and I, could see myself, I could maybe push it a little bit, you know, it was like a little bit more, you know, hip hop or punk or maybe kind of like motorcycle, like, whatever kind of jacket thing, I probably could have pulled it off.  But at college, like, where I was in college, and I think I may have -- I talked about this in my last entry, actually people tended to dress like much more conservative. I think if I had put that coat on, I would have felt like I was gonna attract a lot of attention for the wrong reasons. Yeah, so there was no flipping way I was gonna wear that coat but I knew it was a great like deal and I knew it was like a really high quality jacket and my mom and sister seemed really psyched they found it for me so I couldn't get rid of it.  I mean, I don't think I ever wore that thing, but I had it for years. I mean and I would you know, at the end of every college year, I would like pack it up and, you know, keep it. I mean I don't think I ever brought it home to Nebraska because like I wasn’t, I guess, I didn't think I was gonna wear it there either so I would pack it up and put it in storage with the rest of my stuff for the summer and then get it out again when I came or I mean I probably left it in the trunk.  Anyway, I -- I keep thinking about this coat and I don't know, like, what -- I must have finally gotten rid of it. I do not still have it. And I wonder if somebody found it and thought it was great. I mean, I had it for so long I probably could have worn it as a Halloween costume as like, Michael Jackson at some point, but anyway God, that coat. 

Around Christmas, my mom had asked me for a Christmas list, and I'm very grateful that I still get gifts from my mother. This is a couple years ago but all the same. And some weeks go by, and I'm out to breakfast with myself, my mother, and my brother. She reminds my brother to put together an Amazon list of what he wants for Christmas, and I say, “Oh shoot! That reminds me…” She goes, “No, I already got yours. And I bought everything from the list.”   My stomach instantly sinks. And I said, “Were you looking at my Amazon list that said ‘My name only do not buy’?” She's like, “Well I didn’t look at the name of it. It was just all your stuff was in it.” And I distinctly remember what was in it, was that I was trying to like pick between different brown coat designs. So, there was seven brown trench coats. And I was kind of just like it was on the list. So I could kind of like weighing between which ones I wanted, and -- so I look at my mother dead in the eyes. I go, “Did you buy me seven brown coats?” And she looks flustered and annoyed and she's like, “I don't know. I just like, got what was on there I guess.” Like, “You better be grateful.” And I'm like, “True, true.”   And so Christmas comes along and sure enough like with each box, it is a different version of the same-ish design coat, and like, even my granny was there and like after like coat number three, she just kind of starts looking confused. And she's like, “You wanted a lot of coats this Christmas, huh?” 

I was taking my daughter to get her stitches out and I was going to meet her at her house at 9:30 and pick her up and a while before that she called and said there was no power at the daycare so we had to take her three-year-old with us, so. We took her along and she was really worried about her mom. She goes, “Mommy doesn't feel good, Mommy doesn't feel good." I’m like, “I know, the doctor’s gonna make her better.” So we, it was kind of interesting, just the whole -- she was really kind of interested in meeting my daughter's doctor and just seeing what that was all about. So, it was a really, it was a great experience and I actually was -- it worked out really well. And then because she didn't have daycare, I brought her back to my house and we had a wonderful time. Surprise time! So she -- I had a keyboard out and she played with that for quite a while. And then her favorite things, her favorite thing is the dollhouse that my dad built. And then but he also built a bunch of little high chairs and just doll size, teddy bear size, furniture. So she brought all that out. And then all the bears, the stuffed animals she had brought and then we found a couple other ones and it was -- so she had one squirrel and about five different bears, all in different chairs and different seating things around. And she told me that they were in timeout. So, I'm like, “Well, which one was the naughtiest?” And she said, “It was Squirrel.” And it's funny because they call her -- her mom and dad call her Squirrel. So I think that was, I think that was maybe a little bit of thinking that, you know, she would like to get, do some naughty things sometimes too. So yeah, all the bears were in timeout for quite a while.

It was great to see my mom, it was great to see my brother. And, um, my mom has these idiosyncrasies that I feel like I'm starting -- I think they've always been there, but sometimes I think as -- one of those interesting things to watch is to witness how maybe some of those idiosyncrasies begin increasing in intensity as people get older sometimes. And finding that line between like, "Oh yeah, that's just my mom being weird," and also wondering like, alright but at what point is this too weird? I’ll give you an example. She has a stove that she bought brand-new probably five years ago. She has a dishwasher she bought brand-new 10 years ago. She has a sink that she bought brand-new 15 years ago. And she doesn't let anyone use any of the three, and she doesn't really use them either. And I know you're saying that, "Well, that's obviously not true." But for instance, my brother's wife got my mom a really cute tea kettle within the past couple of years. And while we're there yesterday, she told my brother, she's like, "Let your wife know that I'm using the new tea kettle. Look, here it is. I’m, you know, using it every day!" And you're like, "Oh, see, she's using the stove." No, she's not. She has a separate electric griddle or grill, heating element that she plugs in that she bought somewhere. And she cooks on that so she does not have to use the actual stove. The actual stove is just a monument, not to be used for anything. Or the burners. And anything she needs to actually use a burner for, she has a separate thing that she probably bought at Goodwill that she uses for her cooking. She told me the dishwasher's been used three times, and she's not a great hand washer so like it creates a weird situation when you're eating something there. And then the sink, she would just prefer that we don't use at all. She'll take care of any water or whatever and then she'll immediately wipe it out when done. And you hear that and you have to be like, “Oh okay that's, that's certainly something.” But then you're in a place of like, what do you do to – do you just let bygones be bygones and say alright, my mom's…