Note: There is language that is excluded in the transcript but not excluded in the audio. So anyways, the orthodontist called while I was driving my son to camp in the morning. And I was driving down the road to, to camp and it was on a 25 mile an hour road that has a left turn lane in the middle. But it otherwise it's just you can just go in one lane, you know. There's three lanes, let's say and then the middle one, is the left turn lane, and it's 25 miles an hour, all right? So, the orthodontist calls and talking to her about my son's braces. And there's somebody like tailgating me right behind, like, right on my butt tailgating me. And I'm going 30, max. I'm going between 25 and 30 because I don't like to speed especially on this road. There's like schools all over the road and a daycare and there's people walking, I don't speed on that road. So, I was going 30 miles an hour, max. And as this person is tailgating me, I'm getting more and more agitated while I'm talking on the phone and -- to the orthodontist. And then all of a sudden, the person behind me decide, they're gonna pass me in the left turn lane, And they, they zoom around me and they’re trying to zoom around me in the left, turn lane, totally illegal. They're not turning, they're just trying to pass me.  And as they do this, something snapped in my brain and I slammed on my accelerator to drag race them and I scream at the top of my lungs, “F*** you, you stupid b****!” And I'm on the phone talking to the like orthodontist well, the lady behind -- the receptionist and, and then I and then I realized I'm like, “Oh.” And then I snap back into reality and I like within a second and in my mind I'm thinking, “I'm drag racing down the middle of 25 mile an hour road, I just screamed into the phone, “F*** you, you stupid b****.” At the receptionist at the orthodontist while we're in the middle of a conversation” And I'm like, “Oh no, what did I just do?” And so I said, “Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And the lady’s like, “Oh my God, what?” And I said, “I…

We left Detroit and we did not have a direct flight, we had to go to Chicago and we had a direct flight from Chicago to Marseille. And it was a very long flight. We were with another couple and the woman in this other couple gets cars -- or air sick. And so she has to take these very strong air sick pills. And she was out most of the time we were on this flight. And of course, when we got there, we had left in the middle of the day here but when we got there, of course, it was very early in the morning. And we were going on a river boat cruise down the Seine and, and there's another River we were going on too, but we had to go to Marseille first. And anyway, and Marseille was lovely by the way. But, she was not awake when we got off the plane very well, and she said to me, “I need to go to the bathroom.” and I put my arm around her kind of almost and led her to the bathroom. And I said to her husband, I said, “You have to take all the luggage ‘cuz I'm going to take your wife to the bathroom.” Which he you know, “Yeah please.” So we did, but she didn't come out of the stall and she didn't come out of the stall. And I'm thinking I wonder if she fell back to sleep. And she had, she had actually fallen asleep sitting on the toilet in the Marseille Airport. And, of course, I couldn’t get in there because the door was locked. I had to stand outside, and pound on the door. People stared at me and stared at me and airport bathroom doors, do not have a space at the bottom, you can't like, crawl underneath or do anything like that plus, I couldn't have done that anyway but oh, what a mess that was finally got her to wake up. She finally all of a sudden woke up and realized where she was and we get out there and her husband says, “What took you so long?” I said, “[friend] fell asleep on the toilet.” and he just looked at me and he went, “I’m not gonna ask any more.” And I said, “Please don’t.”

When I was working and we had an assistant principal, who was pretty arrogant. And, you know, he would make jokes with people and but he was, it’s kind of hard to explain, but he brought me my ID one day and they had printed ‘Simpson’ instead of [last name] on my, on my ID and he hands it to me. And I'm like, “That's not my name.” And he thought that -- he already knew it wasn't and he thought that was funny. And he, he said, started calling me Marge. And I said, “Yeah, I've heard that before from every other -- you and every other sixth grader.” It just came out of my mouth without thinking how that was probably not a good thing to say to one of your supervisors. But, someone in administration.  But I think that he -- I know I didn't scare him but I think he knew he couldn’t mess with me as much and intimidate me as much as he thought he was going to Because he loved to intimidate people. And I think that I bought a little cred at that moment from him.

Well, I was talking to my cousin the other day, and when we were 15, she was 13, we were on vacation together, and because we were the two girls, and they -- we were in a cabin with so many -- only so many bedrooms, we were sleeping in the bedroom together. And we were on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, and we were having a great vacation. My cousins, the two boys, were in the room next to us, and my aunt and uncle and my mom and dad were in the other bedrooms. And we were having a terrible, terrible thunderstorm, and of course, along the Atlantic Ocean, and the thunder and lightning was huge.  My cousin, who was 15 also, put a lampshade on his head, and came into our bedroom moaning and groaning like a zombie or something like that. Holding his hands out in front of -- going, "I am the --  I am the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse. I am here to light up the room." And then there would be a big thing of thunder and lightning. And then he would go on. "I am scary. I am a lightning strike." And he went on and on and on. And my cousin and I, at first, we were scared to death, and then we started laughing ‘cause we knew what he was doing and it was so funny.  He died several years ago at a young age and we miss him a lot, but I talked to his sister and his brother on Friday, and we were laughing about that particular prank that he pulled on us and how my aunt finally came in and said, "I don't know what you're doing in here, but I'm trying to sleep!" And yelled at him, and dragged him back to the other bedroom and said, "Get out of the girls' bedroom and go to bed!"

Oh my gosh, I tried a jalapeño pepper for the first time ever at work. So one of my co-workers walked up to me and she was like, "Would you try a jalapeño donut?” And I was like, "Well, I've never had a jalapeño before." And she's like, "All these losers say that they wouldn't try it, and that's so boring." And, you know, this specific co-worker has been calling me, like, the most boring and stuck up out of all the co-workers. And I'm like, "Okay, you know what? I feel like I might try anything once." And when I said this, I didn't, like, think that she actually had jalapeño donuts or anything. I just, like, was saying it to try to seem cool, or whatever. So my co-worker picks up her bag of mini donuts and she gets a jalapeño, like one of the ones from the nachos, and takes it out of the fridge and puts it on the donut and says, "Here, eat it." And, like, at this point, I am in way too far to back out of this thing. Like, I have to eat it or else I'm gonna seem like a total loser. So I just put the whole thing in my mouth, and I tried my first jalapeño ever on a donut, and oh my gosh, it was nasty.  I'm not really a spicy foods person, like, at all, but here I was, eating this jalapeño donut. And I feel like it made it a little bit better than it was with the donut. It's like one of those chocolate frosted mini donuts, and I think the sweetness helped a little bit, but I drank a lot of soda after that. And it's not something I'm looking to do in the near future, but like, hey, at least I'm not the boring co-worker now.

Have you ever had any bad parking stories? This is actually a very deep shame that I have carried with me for a very long time that I've never -- I don't know if I've ever told any- -- I think I've told somebody this, but I don't, I don't remember. Um, I -- I made the wrong decision -- two times made the wrong decision, and I regret what I did. I would not do it the same way again.  And I'm not going to give any specifics here, but I will say I was -- I was probably 20 years old and I was pulling -- I was speeding around in my car. And I was pulling into a parking spot in a parking lot really quick ‘cause I was driving really fast and, like, feeling the adrenaline. I pulled into this parking spot like vroom, really quick, but I misjudged and I hit the car that was parked in the next parking spot and dented the door, like, really bad. And uh, and I saw what I did and I said, “Oh no. That's not good.” And instead of writing a note and leaving my name and number, I pulled out of the parking spot, and I drove to the other side of the parking lot and parked over there.

I don't get stopped by the police very often, and years ago, I worked at a drugstore. And of course, I always got stuck working the weekends and the holidays. Well, this particular holiday was the Fourth of July. Our city has an absolute huge Fourth of July celebration. There can easily be 250,000 people or more that flock to this area, so I didn't really mind working because I don't like crowds, there’s too many people, and I'm shorter than everybody else is. So I didn't go and I stayed at work. People came in and they bought munchies and beer and all kinds of things that they needed to go downtown to watch the fireworks festival. The fireworks festival usually starts at, like, 10 after 10, so it's dark. So it was just getting ready to start by the time I went home On the way home every day, and on the way to work every day, for many, many, many years, I have to stop at the railroad tracks because there might be a train coming, right? So on my way home there is a neighbor that puts on the most manic fireworks show you could ever think a person could put on. This fireworks -- I have to say, tens of thousands of dollars is what this person spends in fireworks. They have so many fireworks that at the end -- well, the next day, the fifth of July, very, very neatly stacked on the edge of the streets are boxes filled with empty mortars. So this particular day -- night, I'm driving home, and I see all of these fireworks and the booms were loud. I was just thinking about driving past all the sparks and everything. I just wanted to get home. And behind me there was a police car, and his lights went off. I did not think twice about it because certainly, you cannot have this kind of firework display in the city. Come to find out, he was stopping me. Why? Because I didn't even stop at the railroad tracks. I was kind of horrified because it's something that I do every single day, every time I go that way. It's just automatic to stop at the railroad tracks. So the policeman pulled me over and the first thing he did was he asked -- oh no. Do you know what?…