“I think it’s really difficult for a lot of people to even know who they are.”

So what I want to talk about though is my personal idea of things that scare me, but not -- I think a lot of people are scared of this stuff but they don't know what it is that they're scared of or maybe they just haven't thought about this stuff enough to name it. So I'm just gonna say them in whatever order comes to mind, because I don't think I'm gonna be able to rank them, or yeah, I don't know.  So I think the first one is the fear of being misunderstood because I think I really, really, really, really value deep conversation and being able to talk to someone freely without having to take on a role of anyone, pretty much. So that includes taking on the role of someone who's interested in a certain singer, artist, brand, I guess, book, movie, video game, physical game, like anything, you know? You just, you just are who you are, but I think it's really difficult for a lot of people to even know who they are because I think especially here in the United States, everyone just basically is born and raised in your typical, like, I guess -- I don't know if this is accurate. At least in privileged areas for most people, it's common to like certain brands like, I don't know, Lululemon and American Eagle and Hollister, and Aerie -- all that stuff. It's no hate to like those brands or whatever, I'm sure that they're great, I'm sure that the people who like them like them for a reason, but I sometimes think that it's not so much that they truly like them, but that they wear them to feel liked.   And I really hate that idea because I think, I mean, obviously we all value the idea of belonging to a community and we all value, even in colleges -- in college tours and whatever, you hear them say this a lot, "We have a close-knit community," and, you know, "Everyone has like a group of friends, everyone's super friendly," all that stuff. But I don't know how much that applies to people who are, um -- like how much that would apply to people if they were more themselves. I think maybe we just all -- even myself.  Like, you know, when people say like, "What are your values?" I think authenticity is always something that comes to my…

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“My parents decided to go one country a day.”

So we've never -- my whole family, we've never been to Europe on vacation before. So that's where we wanted to go, vacation to Europe. And obviously, one week in Europe is -- like, people think that's, um -- like people told me, like, gave me feedback, like "Ah, that's kind of short. There's so much to see in Europe, even just if you're going to one country." Well, because we've never been to Europe and because we're on such limited time, my parents decided to go one country a day. Can you believe that? One country -- so basically, we travel by night, fly by night, and then explore like a tourist during the day. I was like, can you believe this? This -- it's the craziest thing ever. That's not even as crazy as it gets. That's just, that's just the itinerary that's crazy. What actually happened is even crazier.  So, our first stop was in London, and we were supposed to spend a day there in London and then the next day fly to Greece. So -- heh, yeah, imagine. One day in London. So we were flying to London and midway through our flight, we didn't know what was happening, but apparently our pilot rerouted our flight to the Netherlands. Why is that? Again, we didn't know. We were on the flight, there was no Wi-Fi. Just, we didn't know. Like no one told us. Right? So we end up in the Netherlands like, "What is going on?" And no one tells us anything. We don't get a refund. Uh, Delta doesn't give us the next flight to, to London, like nothing happens. They just drop us off and leave. Like, no refund, nothing. And we're like, "What's going on?"  Apparently, the London airport caught on fire. Yeah, it's just -- like, something happened in the airport where it caught on fire, so all the flights that were supposed to go to London, they were rerouted to Paris. Okay, wait, Paris? Why are we not in Paris, then? Well, there was a guy that had a heart attack on our flight, and because of that, the ambulances wouldn't be able to get there in time because everyone's, everyone's going to Paris, so the ambulance would just -- wouldn't be able to get there. So that's why they routed us to the Netherlands where it's less crowded. Crazy, right? Like, oh my gosh,…

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“I’d kind of forgotten about the interview situation . . . but then, the deer drowned.”

Finished that interview -- it felt like I was like interviewing for a six-figure, seven-figure job. Like, I don't know, it just felt insane to put me through this wringer for a fifth grade teaching position. They told me they'd let me know and days went by and they never let me know. And I was like, "Well it seems like they ghosted me. I don't know what's happening here," and my girlfriend's like, "Did you check your, your work email?" 'cause I was currently in a separate position. I was like, "No," but I specifically told them like right off the top like when they asked me I was like, "Yeah please don't -- please don't use my work email 'cause I'm currently employed." But on a whim, I checked my work email and they had in fact responded, or reached out to me through my work email and they'd actually sent me an email about fifteen minutes after I left the interview rejecting me. So I got pretty dejected about that, pretty sad, pretty broken up, and I went to the beach to cool out.  I -- there's this like private access point to Lake Michigan that I know about. I went there and I just sat on a piece of driftwood, and, you know, focused on the finer things in life. I looked out over the horizon as the sun was, you know, right in that like not quite setting position but it's getting ready to set, and just kind of pondered life and I had this moment where I was like, "You know, things aren't so bad."   And then this deer came out of the woods and began drinking from the river and -- or from the lake, excuse me. And I was like, "Yeah, I mean, like look at this right now, here I am, sun setting, on the shores of Lake Michigan and nature just coming out of the woodwork literally." And you know, setting this beautiful scene, and then the deer began like frolicking in the shallow waves and I couldn't imagine a more grounding scene laying before me. And pretty soon I was, you know, I'd kind of forgotten about the interview situation as I watched that deer play around.  But then, um, but then, the deer drowned. It -- it died in front of my eyes. It was playing in the water and then I saw the water kinda had gotten a little bit deeper…

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“Her blood pressure would not stay up for nothing.”

I had said last week, I was looking forward to the Cyndi Lauper concert this week and, well, we went on Friday. And, started out good. We were all having fun. We went out to eat before and -- get a little bite to eat, you know? And, while we were at the concert, my wife passed out, like, hit the ground, unconscious. Cops and people -- security ran over. They got the medic and they tended to her pretty quickly. Then, um, they got her back to the first aid and her blood pressure would not stay up for nothing. I mean, they got -- it was 60 something over nothing. 70 something over -- you know, a top number -- the highest they could get the top number was 82. The lowest the top number was was 51. Like, it was sketchy. And they finally put some fluids in her and let us take her home. They wanted us to take her to the hospital, but my wife, you know, she's just ornery, you know, so she, she refused to go. Sometimes she is -- she refused to go.   And she came home and now she hasn't been taking her blood pressure medicine for the last couple days because she used to have high blood pressure. But here's the thing, when they put her on the blood pressure medication, this was umpteen years ago, I mean, I can't even recall how many years ago -- but she has lost over 60 pounds since then, and quit drinking, and quit drugging for the most part -- we're California sober. So, she has gotten significantly healthier and better since she was put on that high blood pressure medication. So, we've been trying to get a hold of her doctor, having a hard time, but like I said, she's just quit taking it because I think that was really dropping it down too low. So, she seems to have been doing better. She seems to be feeling better. She's back to work. Over this, over this weekend, she mowed the lawn, she trimmed the trees. So I mean, she was feeling better, praise God, you know. 

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