So we went to a sushi bar, and the way they did it, I had never actually -- I'd had sushi in restaurants before, but I'd never had this kind of a -- the sushi experience at a sushi bar. So, the man, the chef, was preparing the sushi in front of us while we were at the bar, and one of the first things that he did was oysters. He asked us -- he was willing to make us whatever in this fabulous dinner that we wanted. It wasn't a predetermined menu. He had some go-tos, but no, you know, specific menu. We had no idea what was coming, no idea how many kinds of sushi we're having. It was all just kind of a mystery. So, we're -- he brought out oysters, and that was one of the things -- my son had really wanted to try oysters. I was indifferent about it, but um -- I was okay with it. I thought, "I can try one oyster." So, we are sitting. So we're looking up at him, he is up on a platform making the sushi. And he prepares -- he asks us if we want oysters and we said, "Yes, we do." And he puts the oysters in the bowl up on top. So it's like, we're like making like a 45 degree angle looking up at it. So all I can see is this silver bowl, which is probably the size of a softball. And on top, it looks like the bowl is filled with oysters. It looks like there's gotta be 20 or 30 oysters in there. And I just -- my eyes got huge, and I'm -- he's watching our impressions to see -- you know, he wants to provide a good experience for us. So -- this is the chef, I mean. So he's watching us, and he could tell by the look on my face. I thought this was a humongous bowl of oysters, and there was no way I wanted to eat that many oysters. So he goes, "Oh, you don't like, you don't like." And he starts to take it away and my son is like, he's reaching up, "No, no, no, don't take it away!!" And then, so I said "No, no, we'll try, we'll try them. It's okay." But he was so responsive to like, just my…

Have I ever gone through a phase that was drastically different than the rest of my life? I think maybe I'm in that moment right now. My husband and I have decided after four years of infertility, like, we're done trying. We have exhausted reasonable options and we're left with one option to try with a very low success rate given what our problem is. And so, I'm in this phase of like trying to get our poop in a group. I think we've just been kind of assuming like, "Everyone has debt, we'll just live with it forever." And with the state of the world, I'm like, "This isn't acceptable," and so we are budgeting, we're making sound decisions, we have a plan. I'm soaking up every opportunity to make extra money, doing all these little random things and then putting that money on credit cards to get them paid off. We've already paid off one, we're kind of like, momentum is there, and this is very different. I have never stuck with something as long. I've never made good financial decisions. I mean, I shouldn't say never, I’ve made some. But like, I've had debt since I was in college because I never knew how to like manage money effectively. And I never really thought too far into the future, and now even though my future doesn't look the way I thought it was. Like, I thought I would have kids by now. I'm 37. I thought I would be a mom with several, and now that may not happen and it's likely not happening through me. If I'm having kids, it's gonna to be a fostering or adopt situation more than likely, and that's probably a couple years away just because financially, I don't feel like we're in a place for it. And so we're really soaking up like being aunties and -- an auntie and uncle to several -- like of our actual niece and nephew, and then also, you know, friends' kids who call us that. And we are in a different phase of life. Our future that we're looking forward to is like, "How do we enjoy our time? How do we enjoy our marriage? How do we plan to have a good retirement?" Knowing it's probably just us. And what's that gonna look like? Because again, we both really envisioned children, and that's…

I was teaching fifth grade and it was the end of the school day when kids are getting their stuff. It's a little hectic, you know, you're just getting your backpacks, you're waiting for the bell to ring. Kids are chatting with each other, whatever. And then someone's like, "Heyyyyyy, someone needs you in the hallway," and I could see that there was a student I didn't recognize in the hallway, which is usually not a great sign. If a student you don't know is asking for you, that makes you think, like, "Uh-oh, something serious must have happened." Because if it wasn't that serious, they'd probably just tell their own teacher. But apparently it needs to be handled now and here. And so I went out to the hallway and I braced for the worst. And, you know, the other bad omen at the time was that the student waited for the door to close before she told me what happened or what was going on, which is also a sign where I was prepping myself, I was like, "Oh my god, she needs privacy. This must be pretty bad." Um, I thought maybe someone hit her or like touched her inappropriately, I was ready for anything. And, you know, she had a hard time getting started, you know, she couldn't make eye contact, and she was like, "This is pretty awkward, but..." And I was like "Ah no, oh please." And she's like, "But, my mom was curious as to whether you'd ever wanna date her friend?" Which was a complete -- completely unexpected. And so unexpected that I didn't know how to formulate a response because my mind went 100 different ways in a split second. One of the prevailing directions my brain went was like, "Alright, am I getting match-made by a ten-year-old?" And, "Is that -- that's not okay, right? That's weird. This is weird. Yeah, this is weird." So I didn't know what to say. You know, maybe I should have said, "Well you know that's not really my place to say, and I don't know if it's your place to bring this up." Instead, I just kinda like mumbled and I was like, "I, I, hnghuh, hah, ahduhna." And I kind of just made like a knowing, like, "I gotta get going, sorry I can't do this," and I walked away. And this…

On Saturday I feel like I was doing a bunch of stuff, but I was like -- but I don't feel like I was getting through my to-do list. So then I, instead of writing a to-do list, I wrote like an 'accomplished' list, like, parallel to my to-do list, and my joy skyrocketed, okay? Like I was really sad that I just barely got a fraction -- I couldn't cross anything off the to-do list, because everything that I had done, it was partially -- as much as I could get done of that to-do list item. Like for example, laundry. I had two ginormous baskets with some extra, so in the end it ended up breaking down into about six loads of laundry. And did I finish all six loads of laundry? No, I did three loads of laundry, and that was about all I could really, that I really wanted to get done. And like, could I have really pushed to get it done? Yes. But I just had other things that I was like, constant -- you know, a little bit over here, a little bit over there, a little over there. And um, I think in the past, I would have like really beat myself up for like not finishing. Like, "Oh, you get so distracted." Well, no, because life -- I only have so much time. And to do three loads of laundry instead of six is just much more beneficial to me, because now I have all the basics that I need to keep going. And I will get these other three done at some point, but it's not critical anymore. And so it like lowers -- it's like real-time re-sorting of my priorities as the task gets like partially completed. Or like food prep. Like, I feel like I did food prep, like pretty significantly. Everything that was going to rot in the next two days has been cooked or frozen. Is everything food prepped? No, but now I have four more days on like the remaining items in the fridge, of unprepared uncooked things. So, like again that -- like the frequent -- like the urgency of that has like diminished. But again, I didn't like accomplish every aspect of that task and so it just makes me feel -- I was feeling extremely defeated and just like, "Wow, I can't get anything…