“She kinda turned to me and told me, like, ‘She looks like an idiot with that leaf in her hair.’ “

I can remember, like, sitting in this meeting or getting ready to -- the meeting to start or whatever and it was the beginning of the day and I was sitting there, you know, with my friends. And I didn't really notice it, like it wasn't a conscious noticing but it was just like a -- I saw the one friend kinda lean over to the other friend and whisper something but I wasn't thinking anything of it. I wasn't thinking it was like about me or whatever. And so the friend that got whispered to turned and looked at me and she said, "Oh," like to me, she said, "Oh! Hold on, you have something, you know, in your hair," because it was the beginning of the day, and maybe it was fall or whatever, I had a leaf in my hair and I didn't realize it. And I know the friend who did the whispering is kind of catty and kind of talks about other friends behind their backs and stuff. And I had asked the friend who took the leaf out of my hair, "Oh, thanks. How did you notice?" And she said, like, "Oh actually, you know the other friend -- " I'm not using names or whatever, but she said, "She kinda turned to me and told me like, 'She looks like an idiot with that leaf in her hair.' " And so I kind of thought that that was an admirable quality in a friend. One, she didn't -- the girl who took the leaf out of my hair didn't, like, say to the other friend "Yeah, what an idiot" or, like, didn't say anything. She actually, like, stopped the conversation and turned to me to fix the problem. And I thought that that was a great friendship. So anytime after that, I have tried to model my life to be -- you know, don't talk about your other friends -- don't talk about anybody, really, in a negative manner to someone else.

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“This is what I deserved, because I allowed a cat to pee on their video games.”

So I grew up in the country and we often had barn cats. People would drive by and drop animals at our house or our neighbor's house. So there was one summer I think someone dropped seven cats off. That same summer, someone dropped a dog off. And one summer when I was pretty young we had an indoor/outdoor cat that was not totally domesticated – was gonna say civilized, which also applies, but domesticated, and it would pee in the house which we didn't realize right away. But my brothers were furious at me one day because I really liked animals and for the most part if we had a cat inside it was cause I was playing with it. But this cat had peed on their N64 video games and, like, ruined one of them and that was the seminal moment when we realized like "Oh this cat is peeing all over the house, we can't have it inside anymore." But they were so angry and they blamed me and they held me down while one of them was playing Mario on N64 -- I think it was N64, and there -- well in one of the games you can hatch a baby Yoshi and like hang out with it and ride it and then it like grows up and whatever. And I loved Baby Yoshi. And so one brother held me down while the other one kept going to that part in the game, hatching the baby Yoshi, and then running it off a cliff because I found it so distressing. So I was wailing and they were -- I don't know if they were even laughing, they were just -- this is what I -- they felt like this is what I deserved because I allowed a cat to pee on their video games.

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“This dude thought that trash bag handles were a delicacy.”

Note: There is language that is excluded in the transcript but not excluded in the audio. Uh, I'm gonna talk about my cat, Waffle, who lived for 12 years, so there are quite a lot of stories, ‘cuz I had him since he was, like, five or six weeks old. Lot of stories from him, but one in particular I just think is the most ridiculous thing ever. So he loved to eat plastic, and I'm not talking about licking plastic or biting plastic, I'm talking about ingesting plastic. Like, this dude thought that trash bag handles were a delicacy. I don't know where this came from. So my cat liked to eat plastic. And there was this one time I was babysitting my baby cousin. I think she must have been one and a half or something, I don't know. Like, where, where you can, like, leave them alone in a play -- I say "alone”, but you can leave them within eyesight in a playpen while you're cleaning stuff up or whatever. So what ended up happening -- so I had to change her diaper, so I did that, and I left it balled up on the countertop where I changed her and then I got her all set and I put her in her playpen. And I’m -- I turn around after doing all that, ‘cuz, you know, you gotta put their clothes back on, make sure she's got, like, the toys that she likes and all that, you know, all that kind of stuff. Turn around, and Waffle's on the counter ripping off the tape of this diaper, this used diaper. And I don't know, somehow he got a piece of it off and started running away with it. So I had to chase him down and get that out of his mouth -- ‘cuz, you know, it can cause blockages, and you’d have to take him to the vet, and all that, all that fun stuff, get that out of his mouth and go back, and I'm just looking at this, like -- ‘cuz, obviously, it'd been a few years this point since I got him, and I already knew he ate plastic. So I had done, like, the best job ever. I was so practiced at hiding anything remotely like cellophane. So this guy got so desperate to chew on that sweet, delicious plastic…

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