“This dude thought that trash bag handles were a delicacy.”

Note: There is language that is excluded in the transcript but not excluded in the audio.

Uh, I’m gonna talk about my cat, Waffle, who lived for 12 years, so there are quite a lot of stories, ‘cuz I had him since he was, like, five or six weeks old. Lot of stories from him, but one in particular I just think is the most ridiculous thing ever. So he loved to eat plastic, and I’m not talking about licking plastic or biting plastic, I’m talking about ingesting plastic. Like, this dude thought that trash bag handles were a delicacy. I don’t know where this came from.

So my cat liked to eat plastic. And there was this one time I was babysitting my baby cousin. I think she must have been one and a half or something, I don’t know. Like, where, where you can, like, leave them alone in a play — I say “alone”, but you can leave them within eyesight in a playpen while you’re cleaning stuff up or whatever.

So what ended up happening — so I had to change her diaper, so I did that, and I left it balled up on the countertop where I changed her and then I got her all set and I put her in her playpen. And I’m — I turn around after doing all that, ‘cuz, you know, you gotta put their clothes back on, make sure she’s got, like, the toys that she likes and all that, you know, all that kind of stuff. Turn around, and Waffle’s on the counter ripping off the tape of this diaper, this used diaper. And I don’t know, somehow he got a piece of it off and started running away with it. So I had to chase him down and get that out of his mouth — ‘cuz, you know, it can cause blockages, and you’d have to take him to the vet, and all that, all that fun stuff, get that out of his mouth and go back, and I’m just looking at this, like — ‘cuz, obviously, it’d been a few years this point since I got him, and I already knew he ate plastic. So I had done, like, the best job ever. I was so practiced at hiding anything remotely like cellophane. So this guy got so desperate to chew on that sweet, delicious plastic that he went for a dirty diaper! Like, come on! Like, I took a picture and I sent it to, like, my sister and my boyfriend at the time and I was just like, “Can you believe this s***? Like, are you serious?”

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