“I don’t wanna lose Starry and I don’t wanna lose Macaroon.”

So let's get into it. This girl, one of my best friends, let's go -- let's call her -- let's call her Macaroon. So Macaroon is saying, “You shouldn't be friends with…” -- let’s call the other girl Starry. So Macaroon is saying basically, like, “You shouldn't be friends with Starry. I'm biggest enemies with her. If you keep, keep hanging out with Starry, then we're not gonna be friends.”  And then Starry is like -- well, she and Macaroon have been this and that and this and that. And Starry has this group where basically, where basically you go in, you go in the group, but you have to play with them on recess. And you only get one recess. And you have to sit with them during lunch, and it's like four girls that I don't even know.  And I'm just like, what the heck? So, I didn't join that group, but I always play with Macaroon on recess. And she's just jealous of me and Starry. I don't like how she's jealous.  So then I'm just, like, I'm in a bad situation because either -- oh, yeah, Macaroon said, “If you kept hanging out with Starry, we’re not gonna be friends.”  So I’m in a bad situation. I don't want to lose Starry and I don't want to lose Macaroon. So, like, what am I supposed to do? [Sigh] It is very compuclat- compuclated? What? Com- wait, did I just forget how to say complicated? 

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“Like, we are literal kids.”

I don't know, it's just a lot to consider, you know, like do I go to sleep and wake up knowing I have a full new day ahead of me with, like, no more breaks again, or do I not sleep for a little while and play games and watch TikTok and do random other stuff? I don't know. I have to make that choice constantly because that's just the way things are.   And I really hope that I get into a school where that no longer is a major issue and I can, I can just not choose and I don't have to pick one over the other and I can, you know, watch my TikTok things for half an hour and then go to bed and wake up the next day without feeling overwhelmed or feeling sleep deprived.   Um, and I feel like over the summer I didn't do anything. I didn't do internships, I didn't do anything. I'm literally just 17. Like I don't understand how people expect so much of us. Like, we are literal kids. I don't understand how we're supposed to have it all figured out and I know a lot of people say, like, "Oh, you're not supposed to," or, "Oh, whatever," but like in reality I don't see that, I don't that. That's not reflected in college apps, that's not reflected in anything where I actually have to like, like present myself and advertise myself, not as a student so much, but as a future, um, I don't know, advertisement.   I literally have to present myself as an investment for schools. Because who do they want? They want someone that's gonna make them money later on. And if I don't have internships and networking already, then it's not gonna look too good because you're just going to see that I don't care about that stuff, or I don't go out of my way to achieve that stuff. So, I mean, I understand that it's like a little bit silly to ask for all of it from again, a 17-year-old. But it's like I guess a little bit right because I guess if I were a huge organization of some sort, I would also want people to advertise for me even if it meant that, you know, it would be a little bit unrealistic or difficult for them. I don't know, it's just a lot to think about. 

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“Meeting him, it just didn’t play out like I thought it would.”

When my friend moved to Washington DC, she came back one time and she told me about a guy in her class who she really liked as a friend. But he had written her this very passionate "I want to be more than friends" letter to her. And she shared it with me, even though she knew that he would not like that -- I mean, that he was kind of viol- she was violating his privacy.  And I was really blown away by it. I mean I just, I just really -- there's something about the writing I really liked. I liked his handwriting, I liked the way he expressed himself, I thought it was really cool the way he put himself out there for [name], and I -- I'm not entirely sure how this came about, but I said, "I would love to meet this guy. Like, I would like to like, write to this guy."  And she's like, "Go for it!" And so she put us in touch, and we started writing each other back and forth, like really long letters, like every single week. And we would -- we got to know each other very well, and we actually started to have really strong feelings for each other. But here we are, living like, really far away.  And we went out to DC, and I got to meet [name], and we spent time with him, and then came back to -- so, that was a fun trip. Here's the thing. When I met [name] in person, I was not attracted to him. I, I don't know what it was. Like, I just didn't feel the chemistry. I loved his mind, he had been a fabulous pen pal. I had really strong feelings for him, but meeting him, it just didn't play out like I thought it would.  And, um, he -- and it's not like -- I mean, he sent me a picture, I sent him a picture. Lots of pictures actually, but just for some reason, we just didn't click, and I -- aw, man, it was awkward. I mean, I think I hid it a little -- I'm sure I hid it, I mean, I tried to be normal about it, but I did not get swept off my feet like I hoped I would. So, anyway, it could have ended better. [Laughs] But we did stay in touch.

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“My car had a big gash in the tire, so it was undrivable.”

On Saturday, I had taken myself to the Culver's in [town], where I live. And I was sitting in the drive-thru window waiting area. I had gotten my pop and I was waiting for my grilled cheese sandwich with bacon, which they make, that is very good. And a large moving truck decided to go through the drive-thru waiting area and go through and side swiped my lovely car. And I wasn't hurt and it -- but the sound that it made when it hit my -- and side swiped my lovely car was awful.  And of course, now I'm doing all the wonderful things you do with insurance and police reports and all this fun stuff -- rental car, because my car had a big gash in the tire, so it was undrivable. And all kinds of things like that. So, fun times.

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