It makes me think of an ex-boyfriend. This is going to get depressing real fast, I think. But essentially an ex-boyfriend of mine, guy that probably actually I would consider as my first love, he was in high school. He was a high school sweetheart. One of the last things he said to me during, during our break up actually, I know, so depressing, was you know, he was, we were talking and he was recounting one of the last times like a previous time one time when we had talked and gotten together just before that. And it was, he was basically saying to me like, “You know, like this has been really hard. I think the last, like, happy memory that I have of you was when we went to this park one day and you were wearing this like yellow, striped shirt.” And, you know, he was like, “Yeah, I remember walking up to you. You were sitting on the swings, you were swinging back and forth and that yellow was just really bright and you looked, it looked really good and exciting at the, you know, there was some flowers behind you, and they were also yellow and you basically matched the flowers.” And I don’t know. This is like, so depressing, but he basically said like, “Yeah, you know, I feel like that was the last time that we were happy together. And so, you know, I know this relationship is over, but when I think of you, I’ll think of that day.” And that is what I think about. That was the first thing that came to mind when, you know, really I thought really thought about the color yellow.

“Um, like, I went to the Fall Out Boy concert. I think I told you guys about that. And it was fun. I enjoyed myself. I scream, shout, sang all the songs, ‘cause I know all the words ‘cause I really like Fall Out Boy. Um, well, I mean you can’t really do that to “Save Rock and Roll,” but the rest of them, you can. Still did not like that “Saturday” was the ending song, ‘cause I think there’s — I mean, it’s not a bad song. I just — there’s just songs I like better. I would have liked, y’know, “Immortals.” That’s a better song, better to sing to, also. Eh, they played “Centuries,” I know it’s a popular song, it’s not my favorite, though, I don’t even like it that much. Um, I just … I don’t — I, I know I should have felt more emotion, happiness, unbridled joy than I did, if that makes any sense. Like, I wasn’t not happy, I wasn’t sad. I was elated to be there. I mean, sixteen years of failed attempts to see that band between their hiatus and a pandemic and moving across the country several times. It just — I should have been able to feel more and I didn’t.”

Joy feels like happiness. It’s exuberant! It’s, it’s overwhelming. It’s a good feeling. It just feels like, I don’t know, fun? I guess exuberance is kind of the best I would feel it, sometimes depending on your level of joy. I think you can have different levels of joy. When I was a kid, I was ten years old and my parents bought me a new bicycle. And I had been riding my, my sibling’s girls’ bike when I learned to ride. She no longer lived at home. And you know, it was what it was. I mean, it was a way to get around as a kid. Well, and my parents, to my surprise, had me go out into the- into the barn and there assembled into the barn was my brand new bicycle. And it was a beauty. It had built-in headlights and it had a big tank on and it was, you know, and it would probably weigh like a ton-and-a-half. I don’t know. It was gorgeous, but it was great and I, I was so joyful. So happy that I literally cried tears of happiness and tears of joy. I had always heard about it, you know, tears of joy. I thought that was some kind of a, you know, something I think that they imagined for stories or something, but they really were tears of joy. The first time I had ever cried tears of joy and they were just spontaneous. So joyfully, joyfully- joy feels really great to me. It’s just an exuberant feeling of, you know, the whole world is, is right. Everything is great and it’ll never be that good again. And I’ve felt a series of joy. I’ve had joy since then, but I, I’ve never quite had the same tears of joy for such a thing like that. I, I was completely caught by surprise. And even talking about it now almost, almost seventy years later, fifty-seven years later. I’m sorry, sixty years later. Fifty-seven years later, man. It’s, it’s, it’s I can still remember how great it felt.