Sometimes I think -- like, I feel guilty asking for help and then it's like every time I do, it's always -- like, it always builds community and relationship, you know. But just since last time I asked her for help, it was just like, not… It didn't go over well, I felt bad, you know. Like, because it just feels like, I just -- there was too many times where she -- I had asked for help and then she hadn't, and it was becoming lopsided, the -- our friendship. So then I felt really bad because upon leaving she was like, "What are you doing tomorrow?"I'm like, "Oh, I'm just busy with chores."And then she was like, "Oh, well, I was gonna ask you to help me, but if you're too busy…"And I was like "No, like, call me anytime. Like, I'm actually not -- like I don't have anything scheduled. Like, just call me when you need me." So then I was like -- I don't know. I guess in that moment -- So she's pretty much, like, a loner, I would say. Like, we met through church and only after someone, like, really prompted us to try to meet each other. And again, like it's been difficult to maintain the friendship, or it just seems like we'll go months without any prompting or talking back and what forth, and it's just kind of like, "Well, you never contact me."And it's like "Well, girl, you never contact me." But it was just interesting, that kind of like, you know, I wasn't saying no, I was just like, responding, and she was like rejecting herself. And it was like, I'm not saying no, I'm just like, "Yes, I never have a day where I don't have something planned, but like --" I'm communicating to her that like, I -- "Yes, I always have something planned, but I'll make, I'll make time for you, you know, like I'll scooch some stuff because, like, yeah, I'll come help you, you know, like, cuz you, you are willing to help me all the time, right?" So, I don't know, I was like, "Oh…" I think I, in that interaction right then and there, of like how I continue to feel guilty because I feel like it is one-sided, it was like, "Oh, I see why it's one-sided," because I can't anticipate…

I finished the audio diary and I, I sat in the reflected for a moment and I said to myself -- in my head, anyway. I was like, "You know, my voice feels a little funny, you know, just a smidge." And by the next morning, I was like, "Oh, yeah. I've got a sore throat." That was Saturday. And then on Sunday, I was like, "Oh, now I'm feeling, uh, a little feverish." And so I took my temperature. It was 102 degrees Fahrenheit. And my girlfriend recommended I test for covid. And so, after almost four years, I finally tested positive for covid. And that really put a damper on my week as a whole.  So yeah, that's where we are. I, I missed most of the week of work. I had to appeal to my administrator to see how it works with covid now. They no longer do, like, covid time. So any days you miss come out of your PTO. And the way our system works now is they they track back to when you first felt your symptoms, and then it's five days starting from the next day. So I technically counted the moment when I finished my last audio diary, which was also on Friday, as when I started to feel my symptoms, as slight as they may have been. And so that meant I had to miss Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday this past week. And then I was in a weird ethical dilemma, I guess, where my -- not all of my symptoms had subsided, but I was outside of that five-day range. I was feeling better in my head, like I could function fine enough to get through the day. But my symptoms were still -- the ones I had remaining were very noticeable. Like my, my voice. Occasional cough. But, you know, I was sitting there like, "Where are we now as a society with covid?" Like if I do my five days, am I expected to be back in the building? Even, you know, wearing a mask? And -- or, should I just go ahead and, and burn at least four sick days? And at that point, I take the first four days of the week off, why come back on Friday? Then I had to look at my sick day balance to see if I could afford to do that. So, I wavered back and forth and decided that, you know, if my days are up and my covid quarantine is over, then -- and if I'm…