“Pain is a mindset.”

This week has been good. We had our first -- our first ever volleyball game. We won it. We did, we did. But also at first I was not sure we were going to win. So in the very first set we were go-- we took the lead, and then we were kind of neck and neck. Up until like like 18 and then they broke off, and were in the lead until like-- like they were at 23 we were at 20, then we came back to 24-24. And then they won the first set, um with 26 to 24, which is a little bit sad ‘cause we had put in a lot of work, but then the second game, our coach gave us a pep talk and we were like, “No, we can come back because we are better than this team. We know it, and we can play better.” So we came back and we wiped up in the second game and then the third game it came down to it. I don't know if you know much about volleyball, but the first two games are to 25 and it can go into overtime because it's win by two. But the third game, um, it goes to 15 and once you hit 15, the first person to hit 15 points wins, there's no overtime. There's no win by two. So we--we won the third game and it was really cool. We're doing the five one system, which means that there's five hitters on the court whether they're back row or front row hitters. But there's only one setter on the court, and there were two girls that wanted to be setter on our team and I kind of wanted to play middle hitter but coach put me as setter which was a really big surprise. Because I hadn't been expecting it and I didn't really know if I wanted to be setter. So I was a little bit disappointed but also excited but also not. You know? It was quite a bit more pressure than I thought it would be. But I did it and I won and I set up our middle hitter, well, we have two middle hitters. But I'd say is our main middle hitter who is probably the best hitter on our team. I set her up for a couple really good ones.…

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“…I hit send and then somehow it went to him as well.”

This person wasn't really that interested in teaching and actually seemed resentful that they had to do it. And that became clear in the first class when they were using all this terminology that nobody, save for the PhD students, I think there was like three PhD students and then all the rest of us - save for those three students understood. And I raised my hand and I said, "I think there might be some confusion. This is our entry level class to this, this topic, you know, we're very unfamiliar with what you're saying." And he paused and he said, "Well, I thought you all had this other class before." And we said, "Nope." And I thought that would have cleared it up, but he kind of just kept going. And the purpose of the class was to learn how to design different like research implementation strategies. So like if you're trying to propose a solution to a problem, how do you design that well? This person, again, really only had interest in kind of their own research ideas and projects and getting those drafted into grants. And so very quickly the class became a grant writing course. It was almost like the original purpose, he just didn't even try to teach. Or he did, but it was via a grant application with very little support. So it was an incredibly frustrating experience. We couldn't just drop the class because it was one of those required core classes, and there was a lot of complaints from myself and many others going to the administration for our program. And it just, you know another layer of stress in what is already stressful for grad school. I just, I was over it. And so one day had been a particularly bad day. He had been extremely unhelpful. He'd given us a really unrealistic deadline for this grant application seeing as how none of us had actually ever written one. And we were supposed to be writing this grant application utilizing skills, like designing an intervention, which we had none because he didn't teach them to us. And I was pissed and so I drafted this whole long thing. And I don't even - I think what happened was there was a string of emails previous, in which I was communicating directly with him trying to understand the deadline, communicating more about I don't think that we…

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“…my third item would be a book on how to survive in the desert.”

"If you were stuck in a desert and you could only bring three items to help you survive, what would you bring? How would these items help you survive?" So I would bring a lifetime supply of water because well, you know, I wanna stay hydrated. Second, I'd want to bring - I don't know, I guess a hatchet. Or like some kind of like knife or like a dagger, 'cause like you know, it's not only for protection but also to like - for food, you know. And then the third thing I would bring, could you bring like a person? Like I'd want to bring like another person. You know like someone who like knows how to survive in a desert? But I don't know if that would help, I'd bring like a book. Yes, my third item would be a book on how to survive in the desert.

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“I convinced her mom to let me take her on it. But then she cried halfway through…”

So have you done anything that's nice or sweet for someone recently? I wouldn't say anything that's particularly really nice. You didn't do anything nice when you went to the fair with your friends or when you went to the fair with the neighbors? I mean I took somebody on the ride who - I'm super confident, so I convinced her mom to let me take her on it. But then she cried halfway through and then started screaming. How old and who was this person? It was the neighbor and she's eight and she was super confident, said that her friends love the ride, that she's gonna love the ride. And that this is gonna be her favorite ride. Probably like 10 seconds into the ride, it goes a bit quieter, like on the quieter section of the ride. All you hear is screaming and crying. What happened? What is the ride? Just like a big loop, that you just go around multiple times. And she was barely tall enough to go on the ride. Actually, I'm pretty sure she's like an inch or something under. So there was a lot of wiggle room there. So it felt like she was flying. Like I'm not that big - but I am big sorry, correction. No, but there was wiggle room for me, and it felt like I was flying. So, for a little one it probably was crazy. So she disliked like that. And then they stopped the ride, they let her get off, but wouldn't let anybody else get off. That included me, so she ran away to go find her mom while I was stuck on the ride, so that was fun. So you tried to do something nice and it didn't turn out well? Nope.

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