“I just don’t know how to function after that.”

So when the lockdown first started, I was in my marketing class and we were going over a paper that we were going to have to start doing for a project, and someone came over the speaker system and said that a lockdown is going into place and that it wasn’t a drill and you could hear that the person that was saying it, her voice was very shaky. And like at first when they said a lockdown drill, I thought like — We were going into lockdown, not a lockdown drill, but when they said lockdown, I thought like, “Oh, it’s a drill.” It’s a like drill that we’re just going to do like blah blah blah. And then they said — I saw my teacher’s face drop. Even though she’s trying to mask it, I could still see it. And then she said “This is not a drill.” And my teacher ran to the door and shut it. And was saying, “Everyone into the back room right now.” Cause my marketing teacher has a back room, because she has a store, and that’s where she keeps all of her, like, a bunch of her extra stuff. I don’t know. So a class of like thirty two kids were in this like, I don’t even know, like, 10 by 14 square feet room. It was very small plus it had like a bunch of chairs and had some desks and storage stuff and shelves in it, and we were locked in there for like two or three hours. We had to be quiet and the lights had to be off and people’s phones were dying because they couldn’t do anything, because you couldn’t go grab your charger out of your backpack and none of us knew what was happening. Like we were being asked questions from our teacher, she was like, “Has any of you guys seen this person?” and then wouldn’t give us any more information because she didn’t know any more information or she’d just be telling other people to be quiet and I wanna to be totally honest with you, whoever’s listening to this. When I first got in there, I started having a panic attack. I was in the very back of that little room and I have no friends in that class. I was standing near a bunch of people that I don’t think I’ve ever talked to in my life. And my body just started shaking, and I started crying and I couldn’t breathe, and I can’t take my mask off and I didn’t know what to do. And I was freaking out and that’s not a situation — Like, I’ve had a panic attack at school before and I just — I can usually get out of it before it gets really bad. But that one, like I am in a situation that is in a place that I cannot get out of. And I just wanted to just fall in the ground and cry, but I couldn’t do that and for a period of time I just couldn’t even sit down. I was standing up for an hour and 30 minutes straight because — maybe it was two hours, I can’t even remember anymore, because there was nowhere to sit and then at a period of time, my marketing teacher she was just like, “I don’t care if you guys break anything in here. If you need to sit down, just sit down wherever you can.” So I sat down on a microwave. Thankfully, it wasn’t plugged in, but I sat down on microwave and then, like an hour and 30 minutes later I realized that I could move this chair over cuz there was a chair that was on top of this other chair. So I moved the chair on top of it over and was finally able to sit on that. And then at one point, we were finally able to leave that room and go to the real classroom and just sit there and when we were sitting there some cops came in and they slammed the door open really hard and scared me, and they had really big guns in their hands like AK-47s and were pointing them at us and they pointed one at me when they walked in and I mean having a gun of that size and that you know has the capability to kill you, that is pointing right at you and you see it pointing right out at you. That really messes you up, like it really messes you up. And they were yelling at us to put our hands up and all of this stuff and like, I’m having like a bunch of family members texting me, telling me that “they love me, and they hope that I’m safe.” And then they are, like, sending me whatever. And I just wanted to go home. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom. Some of my friends, they had to go to the bathroom in buckets because they couldn’t leave their classrooms. My teacher, since she’s a marketing teacher and she has a school store, she was passing out chips and, like, juice from her store that she had in her storage room. I don’t know how old that stuff was, but I hadn’t eaten since 9:00 in the morning and it was, like 4:30 or 5? I was starving. I had to pee. I had dried tears on my face. My nose was running because my crying earlier, and I couldn’t do anything and I just was panicking and I had no one to talk to in that class. So I was just sitting in the corner and finally, we got let out and I just I got into my brother’s car and he wasn’t there yet and I started bawling my eyes out. Like I was walking to the car and I was crying. And then when I got in the car, I just broke down. And like, I just don’t know how to function after that. Like school got canceled tomorrow, but I don’t want to go to school next week. I don’t feel comfortable going to school next week. And obviously it’s not as bad as it could have been, but like it’s still bad. That should never happen.

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