“here we are having a memorial service and it starts it all going again.”

First he was sick for so long and then he passed away. And we were all just like starting to get used to like get past that that missing, that grief of having somebody gone. And then here we are having a memorial service and it starts it all going again. But it was it was a really nice-er – nice time with like I say service, but it was like a potluck in my mom’s backyard. She has like a couple acres and we didn’t know how many people were going to come. We were planning for as many as a hundred because of the that’s about the size of the church. So well, the church is probably more like 150-200 but you know, some people are not gonna make it so we were planning for a hundred and like 30 or 40 came which was such a relief because it was just gonna be this is the first time that I’ve been anywhere more crowded than a doctor’s office in two and a half years. so like starting with a thing with a hundred people, I was not looking forward to at all and I still would have if I could have gotten away with not going I would have not gone because of you know, worrying about health stuff because as I’ve mentioned before I am a- Well, I don’t know- Well, yeah, I guess I’m still technically a cancer patient. Like hypothetically there’s no cancer. They don’t think there’s any cancer in me anymore. But I guess I’m still taking a pill every day for like five years. So, I guess I’m still in treatment. but yeah, that that makes me more nervous about COVID-y stuff because I had it already but I wasn’t a cancer patient when I had it before and so I well now I’ve got a stupid underlying condition. Or at least if I don’t still I don’t still have the underlying condition but I guess even people who are recovered cancer patients have increased risk of negative stuff happening even though yeah. so it was a big weekend because the first time I’ve been around a lot and I was able to you know, it was outside. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gone because 40 people inside a building that’s just like That’s a big old dollop of nope right there. There’s no way that’s that would have been happening memorial or not memorial but it was outside and I was, I was able to distance almost the whole time. So that’s a that’s a comfort to me, but Yeah, it was it was okay. It was okay and If you if you recognize a note of self reassurance and my voice then yes, you have properly identified that that tone.