“… I was frantically trying to find money.”

The story that I’m thinking about I went into a food coma eating Hundred Grand bars when I was younger. My brother, I think he must’ve been doing a band fundraiser, but it was the very classic high school, middle school fundraiser with candy bars and he was selling them, but he wasn’t really trying very hard. So he just had the box of candy bars at our house. But I knew well enough that I couldn’t, you know, take them, steal them. So – and I obviously was not gainfully employed as a eight-year-old or whatever I was, so I was frantically trying to find money. I think they were a dollar a piece. So I just remember so clearly standing on a step ladder, and above our washer and dryer there were these bins of just odds-and-ends. The thing I used most often in those bins were Band-Aids, but they also had light bulbs and the thing that you use to suck boogers out of a baby’s nose for some reason, even though there were no babies in our life – just like the odds and ends of a life, essentially. And I knew that interspersed amongst all of the debris were coins. So I was trying my hardest to find these coins that were like stuck to the bottom of these bins, covered in God knows what. I was also looking through the washer and dryer because my dad would often forget to remove his change from his pockets. The most lucrative place in my house was the windowsill looking out over our backyard. Every day, my dad would come home from work and he would empty out his pockets and he would put all of his change on the windowsill, and he never made a fuss when he came to pick up his things in the morning and his change was gone. So I could almost guarantee a candy bar every day with the windowsill money, but still I had to dig through all these bins but I remember for that, I don’t know, whatever time period. A couple, a week maybe, a couple days, just eating so many Hundred Grand bars and they were the, like, extra big ones. So I think I would freeze them or refrigerate them. So it would take me longer to get through them, but I was just – I don’t know. I picture the feeling I had about them the same way I think piranhas must feel when there’s blood in the water, just ravenous. So that is my food coma story.

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