“I’m not really sure why I was so embarrassed by it…”

I don’t feel like I’ve been embarrassed too often in my life, but I have kind of a vague memory of going to—I used to take swim lessons at the Y. And one day my grandma took me. And I—which she, she didn’t very often do, maybe that was the only time that she did, in fact. And I think there was some sort of a mix-up on what time we were supposed to be there, but I was either so young that I wasn’t—that I didn’t know to look for that or I wasn’t paying attention or I don’t know what. But, so I went into the locker room and my, you know, my grandma was in the locker room with me and I, you know, got my suit on. And she sent me out into the—you have to shower, you have to rinse off. And then I walked out into the pool area and realized that it was not time for my class. Like, I looked around for anybody that looked familiar, or my teacher, or whatever, you know, whoever I knew was supposed to be there and they weren’t there. And for some reason, I was so embarrassed by that, that I was there at the wrong time and I’d walked out and, you know, some people were in the pool. And I—probably, maybe some were paying attention to the fact that I was walking out then, but people walked in and out all the time, so I’m not really sure why I was so embarrassed by it. But I remember being really embarrassed. And so embarrassed, in fact, that I, like, I turned around and I went back into the locker room and I started to cry.

And my grandma is not one who’s real good with emotions. She doesn’t really, she doesn’t really show emotions herself and doesn’t appreciate it in other people when they show their emotions. So she was not real happy with the fact that I was in there crying. Like, she basically thought that I should, you know, buck up and figure out what was going on. And I, and I can’t remember what the situation was like, maybe we were just a little bit early or—I don’t know. I can’t remember. But I do have that, that memory. And again, I’m not really sure why I was embarrassed, like, it doesn’t seem like embarrassment should be the emotion or that, you know, the reaction to that, just like a “oops” kind of a thing. But maybe it was because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time or something. Maybe that’s why, I’m not really sure. But I think that that’s–that’s like the one time that I remember being really embarrassed. I don’t remember, really, any other times that I have.

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