“What are they gonna do, put a rock in jail?”

Here’s the thing. I would actually love to be a bear. If I believed in reincarnation, I would definitely be a bear. That would be great. That’s like, number two on my “If Reincarnation Existed” list. Number one would probably be a rock, ’cause like — this is kind of off topic — but like, as a human, I can’t break the law. Or I can’t break like, crazy laws. Like, if I jaywalk they’re not gonna like put me in handcuffs and they’re not gonna be like, “Oh, you’re a disgrace to society,” but like, every person has a rebellious phase. And you know, I kind of — I kind of want to be — want to be rebellious. But I can’t do it as a human because I would get in trouble. But if I were a rock…

Imagine, little children. They’re trying to break the windows of some creepy old neighbor. They use me, the rock, to break into that window. And there you got it. I broke the law without breaking the law. What are they gonna do, put a rock in jail? No, of course not! And so that sounds pretty great. And like, what would I even do? I’d just exist, honestly. What’s the worst thing that could happen to a rock? Like, the worst thing I can think about is maybe if there’s magma or lava or something like that. But chances are, hopefully, I don’t get reincarnated as a rock in some place that has, like, crazy amounts of lava or something. And like, if I was reincarnated into a rock that went to the middle of the ocean? I’d be pretty chill with that. I think that’d be pretty awesome as long as it wasn’t like, deep dark, dark ocean, ’cause then I can’t see anything and it’d be kind of boring.

Recent Stories