I have a soda addiction, a specific brand, that I’ve drank my whole life. Like, I have to have it in the house. It is very rare that I go a single day without having at least a can. Um, and that’s not — it’s usually because I just can’t get to the store. It’s not ’cause I don’t, like — I put aside money to get it. Um. And so…
There’s this one day, where I, like… I, I had some at home still, and I was just going to the store to get a few things. But they had a really good sale on it… and it was 12-packs, you get — had to get three of them. And because I’d only planned on getting a few things, I just had a basket of stuff. And so, I’m like, well, I don’t want to go all the way to the front and get a cart just to get these things. I will take three 12-packs and stack them, along with my basket and check out — and like, the soda section is relatively close to check out, so it was whatever, I was like, “Oh, you know, I’ll carry it and check out.” And I did that successfully. And I put the basket back… on my way out the door, and I was like, “I don’t… I don’t really want to carry this in front of me like a pregnant woman. I think I can, I think I’ll just hook one finger into one 12-pack, any the other finger in the other 12-pack on one hand, and then I’ll carry my bag and the other 12-pack on the other hand.”
And, uh, you know, I’m hypermobile, and I’m really not that strong, and I should have known. I should have known. I felt it slipping as I’m heading out the door. And wouldn’t you know it, my effort to try to hike my fingers back into the 12-packs ripped both of them. And so I had a bunch of cans of soda, all over the entryway of the store. Thank goodness none of them, like, split open. Like, that would have been just the cherry on top of public humiliation because like it was like a busy summer day. There are people everywhere watching this happen. And I… what I ended up doing is grabbing a small cart anyway, just piling everything into there, and wheeling it out to my car and like… just chucking it in there. But, oh my God. Never again.