Speaking of like other religious things is like, something that, like, I kind of got intuitively that I was kind of surprised that many people didn’t get was also like the idea of specifically, like, submission to a higher power. You know, and that’s more because of my age. Like I spent the la- — you know, I spent like 18 years, like, where everyone j- — like even now, like everyone just tells — you know, everyone tells me to do and then I do the thing. And they’re like, “Thanks.” You know, like, even, even at work. That’s like, where I’m most comfortable. I’m like, I’m like, “Just tell me what to do,” and I do it. I don’t like — I get nervous about trying to have to come up with things myself.
And so it’s like, I’m like used t- — I’m, you know, as a child, as a young person I was used to kind of like being like someone’s minion. Like, literally, my mom would call me and my other siblings “minions.” I mean, it was like an affectionate term. But it’s still just like, I’m so used to that like mindset of like, you tell me what the thing to do and I do the thing and then that’s what I do, that like, so many times, like, pastors have talked about like, “Oh, you gotta, you gotta take your hands off of the wheel,” and, “You gotta let — you know, you gotta let Jesus drive, you gotta –” You know, I’m like, I’m like, “I was driving?” I’m sitting there like, someone like, someone else has been like chauffeuring me around my whole life. I don’t think I — like at least this guy knows where we’re going.
Like, I’ve been constantly told what to do by very flawed people who often don’t truly know what is the best course of action. Like I had rather — you know, I’m already getting used, I’m already used to getting told what to do. Like I would rather be told what to do by someone who actually knows how to do it and what I should do to work out. I mean, in practice it can still be a bit — and I’m definitely not the best at it. But, like, just like the idea thing of like, I’m like, “Yeah. Like, yeah, people tell me what to do all the time.” You know, pastor’s like, “I know we all — you know, I know we all love our independence and we love being able to do exactly what we wanna do when we wanna do it.” And I’m like sitting there, 17 years old, like, “I have never been able to do what I want to do when I want to do it.”