“I would have a bat under my hat.”

Maybe a controversial take but I think I would have a bat under my hat. Not only because it rhymes, but also I don’t want to wear a gigantic hat like it’d be dope to have like a cat or a small dog or something I guess. I’m not trying to — first of all, have the neck pain of supporting like a nine pound animal in my head, but also I don’t think there are a lot of really fashionable hats that would accommodate that kind of animal.

Bat, on the other hand, like small spaces. It probably would not be a very kind to have it like under a baseball cap, but maybe, I don’t actually know. But the rationale — so if it’s under my control, it’s obviously not gonna bite me, that’s part  — part A. Part B is you would just have your own personal like mosquito eater. So you’re at a bonfire, let’s say, and the mosquitoes are just eating everyone else alive. Not you, because your little bat buddy is flying around eating them all.

Why else? Keeping warm on my head, you know, I think that would be kind of a nice thing– a little mammal. Would freak people out, nobody wants a bat flying in their face. So you’re having an unpleasant conversation you wanted to end, just take your hat off, bat flies in their face, they scurry off, done. I think it would work in a professional setting for sure. No one could prove that you are controlling the bat because that’s insane, so you could gaslight your coworkers. That’s pretty good. Um, yeah, I can’t think of any other pro-cons. I think that a bat is the play.

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