“Now when I have to write something longer than a grocery store list, my hand cramps up.”

Qualities of my life that have eroded over time would include handwriting. I was born in 1990 and that means that the entirety of my schooling career, if you’ll call it that, involved taking notes by hand. And if you wanted to copy your friend’s notes, unless you were rich and had a digital camera — as opposed to a film camera — you would have to copy them by hand. So it literally didn’t matter. You — the only way to get notes was to have them by hand or have somebody give them to you. And so for 20 some years, I was handwriting notes to lectures and classes and everything like that, right? And then I stopped going to school, and then computers became, like, the main thing. And then I took a lot of assistant jobs with data entry as the main job, and then I learned to type insanely fast, to toot my own horn. Ah, apparently a hundred-some words per minute at 99% accuracy is kind of weird, I guess? At least in my area it is, which is kind of sad to me, but whatever.

Anyways, transferred my fingers to doing a new skill rather than handwriting, and so now when I have to write something longer than a grocery store list, my hand cramps up. And by that, I mean like, my muscles freeze. Like, my, my fingers get stuck in weird positions and I have to kind of crunch ‘em to get ‘em to go back. And I — if I write, you know, a few lines, I have to shake my hand out. And you know, I’ve had my share of mental health struggles and they say, “Journal!” and I’m like, “No! Absolutely not! That hurts!”

It has eroded. My God, it’s, it’s eroded so bad that like, if you could imagine my life as a statue with a face, the nose is gone. Like, I cannot write to save my life. Like, it’s just — after a few sentences, it’s just: crunch! And I, I know I have to not be the only one. I cannot be the only one. Like, nobody talks about this, but like, I have to not be the only one, right?

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