“Like, we are literal kids.”

I don’t know, it’s just a lot to consider, you know, like do I go to sleep and wake up knowing I have a full new day ahead of me with, like, no more breaks again, or do I not sleep for a little while and play games and watch TikTok and do random other stuff? I don’t know. I have to make that choice constantly because that’s just the way things are.  

And I really hope that I get into a school where that no longer is a major issue and I can, I can just not choose and I don’t have to pick one over the other and I can, you know, watch my TikTok things for half an hour and then go to bed and wake up the next day without feeling overwhelmed or feeling sleep deprived.  

Um, and I feel like over the summer I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do internships, I didn’t do anything. I’m literally just 17. Like I don’t understand how people expect so much of us. Like, we are literal kids. I don’t understand how we’re supposed to have it all figured out and I know a lot of people say, like, “Oh, you’re not supposed to,” or, “Oh, whatever,” but like in reality I don’t see that, I don’t that. That’s not reflected in college apps, that’s not reflected in anything where I actually have to like, like present myself and advertise myself, not as a student so much, but as a future, um, I don’t know, advertisement.  

I literally have to present myself as an investment for schools. Because who do they want? They want someone that’s gonna make them money later on. And if I don’t have internships and networking already, then it’s not gonna look too good because you’re just going to see that I don’t care about that stuff, or I don’t go out of my way to achieve that stuff. So, I mean, I understand that it’s like a little bit silly to ask for all of it from again, a 17-year-old. But it’s like I guess a little bit right because I guess if I were a huge organization of some sort, I would also want people to advertise for me even if it meant that, you know, it would be a little bit unrealistic or difficult for them. I don’t know, it’s just a lot to think about.