“I often don’t eat the birthday treats, but today obviously there’s no way I couldn’t.”

One of my students was celebrating their birthday, which is technically tomorrow, but they brought cookies in today. So they passed cookies out to, you know, everyone in the class and then right when she was done passing out the treats she got called to go home. I think her mom was picking her up to, you know, celebrate her birthday early. So she took her extra cookies and she kind of bolted down the hallway. And one of my kids noticed that I didn't get a cookie. So she broke off a piece of hers before she ate it and she gave it to me, but I refused to take it ‘cause I was like, "That's your cookie. I can't take it." So I kind of hugged my hands so she couldn't put it in my hand, and she set it on the desk next to me anyway, but like five minutes later the birthday girl came back to the classroom. She was supposed to be gone. She kind of like used her head to knock on the door because she was holding the tray of cookies with two hands and I opened the door and she was like, "I almost forgot my favorite teacher!" And she gave me a cookie and when I took it -- it sounds like I'm making the story up, but when I took it, the, the class broke out into a round of applause. I swear they don't do it all the time. It sounds like they do it like every five minutes but yeah, they just were pumped because they saw that one student tried to give me a cookie and I refused, so. I often don't eat the birthday treats, but today obviously there's no way I couldn't and that was a delicious chocolate chip cookie. So it's a win.

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“She didn’t just chew it, she ate it. She was pooping out $20 bills.”

I had a, a basset hound named Julie when my kids were little, and she was constantly chewing something. We couldn't leave our shoes down. We couldn't leave our socks down. My poor [Name’s] Barbie doll set was cremated by this dog. And it was a Friday afternoon when I came home and I put my purse down on the floor, where I never kept it. I always put it on the table, but this day I put it on the floor for whatever reason. And it wasn't zipped. And Julie got in it, unknowingly to me. And she ate my envelope that I had just cashed my paycheck in. She didn't just chew it, she ate it. She was pooping out $20 bills. It was awful. I was beside myself. But I washed off those bills that she pooped out. I followed her for days pulling money out of her poop. And I washed them all and I took them to the, to the bank and so long as they, they could read the serial number, they would exchange the money for me. And I got most of my paycheck back that way, but oh my gosh. It was a crazy couple of weeks.

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“I literally got my favorite childhood tree in my yard.”

…And I was like, “Oh, I love sycamores,” you know. ‘Cause I saw a sycamore when I was a kid. My dad would take us when he was first divorced. He actually did like stuff with us, you know, and after time went on he then he just couldn't care less about our visits. But I feel -- anyway, but those initial times were pretty great and So we went to the Morton Arboretum near Chicago. So there was -- in -- so we would take the smallest Circle route. My dad -- even then he wasn't very fit back then, so we would do this small circle. And it was called the Morton Circle and in the Morton Circle there was a sycamore tree that was like my favorite and it would have this kind of peeling bark on it. I thought it was just such a pretty, pretty tree. It was one of my fond memories of the Morton Arboretum.  Anyway, so now fast forward to today. I am selecting a tree. So I finally look online to a bunch of places. Look at the catalogs, see that there is a, like a sycamore tree, and they only have one available at this nursery. So I'm researching that kind and I read it's a London Plane Tree. Once it was delivered and arrived at my house -- I kid you not, this is what -- I think I'll end on this note, this story, because this is wild. So I didn't see the tags at the time that I was at the nursery. But I pull off like the tag and it says Exclamation! London -- like Exclamation! London Plane. And I go on the internet and I Google like what we had – What about this tree? Like what attributes like does it not like how tall does this one get? is going to be this massive unruly tree? all this jazz. So apparently the actual trademarked Like official name of the Exclamation! London Plane Tree is called like the, the -- it's like, the Latin name and then it says X Morton Circle. So apparently this exact type of like, London Plane Tree of the Sycamore family is identical exactly trademarked to the one in the Morton Circle that I saw as a, as a little girl. So that's wild, like, I don't even think I…

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“We had a grandparents day on Friday”

So we had a grandparents day on Friday. I had three come. Which is a good show. and I went to lunch at -- after and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings and that was fun because I like spicy foods a lot. So I get like one of the hotter things on the menu. And I showed them, you know, my grandparents, some of the things that we do in class. They actually did one of the assi- -- one of my graded assignments for me, which was kind of funny, um, and feels like cheating. But it was allowed. And then, um, when you don't have a grandparent, you’re not actually allowed to be in the classroom doing the things. So I just chilled outside of Mr. [Name’s] room for like the whole, um, rest of the time after they left to go chill with my sister.

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“I got backswinged in the face with a driver golf club.”

So I was going golfing for like -- I've done it before, but not a lot. And it was when -- so my, um, neighbors, three of them, and then their parents and my brother. And I was like 10. And I was not careful and I went behind someone, and I got backswinged in the face with a, um, driver golf club. Who -- those things are big. It was -- my head felt so -- like my head was hot, like, where I got hit, and I could feel the goose egg. Like I put my hand over it and I could feel the goose egg growing and growing, and it was so scary. So then finally, I went up to my brother. I didn't cry yet. I went up to my brother and then after he started talking, and then I started crying ‘cause... I don't know. It was -- but he saw it growing too. So his eyes were like {gasp}. And he like, kinda just gasped. It was kinda funny. But, so we -- I went home, and -- reminder, this was probably five minutes within being there. Like, we were only there for like five minutes. And then everyone had to go home. And I laid on the couch. My neighbor’s mom, she gave me a cold ice water bottle on the way back home. But when I got there, I just got home, I laid on the couch. [Name] She was my neighbor back then. She came over and we watched the Bee Movie together. Um, and it really hurt and I had a giant lump on my face for a long time. And, I don't know, surprisingly I wasn't self-conscious about that, but... it was kind of bad.

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“Why is it raining in the kitchen?”

So we were at my gra- -- not my grandparents -- my cousin's house in Iowa and, um, everyone was watching football because it was Sunday afternoon after my, um, uncle had preached at church, Um, so they were all watching football. And this was a couple ye- -- um -- it was like -- I think I was like seven or eight maybe, and my mom gave my little brother -- was giving my little brother a bath upstairs. And so she comes back down because something really exciting happened in football and she wanted to see the replay and all that jazz. So my brother's taking a bath upstairs and he's like four, does not know what he's doing. He's playing with his toys, it's fine. And I walk over to the kitchen to get -- cuz I'm kind of bored out of my mind ‘cause I don't really like football. I walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water or a snack or something and I immediately say, "Um, why is it raining in the kitchen?" And my uncle and Mom run over and then my mom sprints upstairs and turns the water off to my little brother's bath and it kind of flooded the whole upstairs and then a bunch of things were happening and it was a whole issue so we had to go, um, down -- we had to evacuate the house and call these worker people. And so we ended up going to McDonald's and these people came and kind of cleaned it up and they didn't have to like replace it -- anything. They just had to like, use this like, special -- I don't know what they had to do. I was little. Um, so it was really cool -- not cool, awful. But it was kind of funny, and now, I have that fun story.

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“My brother kept saying, ‘Mom, there’s a animal on this stroller.’”

So what happened was, when me and my sister were younger, we decided to put carrots outside for the bunnies. But it attracted possums. So they broke into the window. They ran into our garage. And the next morning like we were getting ready for school because we live so close to school so we could just walk. And this was in elementary. Um, and so we were gonna take my little brother in the stroller. So my -- we have like this cup holder and it's of a whale on the stroller, and my brother kept saying, "Mom, there is an animal in the stroller." And she would -- thought it was the whale, so she's like, "Oh okay cool, like blah blah blah blah blah." We were trying to rush to get to school and he kept saying that and saying that. And finally he said, "Mom there is an animal in the stroller." And he was four so he could barely talk so it was really funny. And I was inside grabbing my coat. And all of a sudden I hear my mom screaming. In a stroll- -- in, in the stroller, there was a possum sleeping in a blanket like a little baby, and it was really scary. Uh, and before that, my mom stepped in its poop, so that was great. And then she ran outside, closed the garage, and I ran out screaming. And then we went to school, and then finally, um, my mom came -- my dad came from work and he took the stroller and dumped the possum out. And that was a great story. We got in a little bit of trouble.

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