So I had the opportunity to give a spray bottle of hand sanitizer to a person on the side of the road this afternoon, Michigan Diaries. And it just always breaks my heart to see folks standing on the side of the road, with signs often when you exit the highway. I just don't have it in my power to solve all of those problems for people. Yeah, today fate just kind of lined up. I was cleaning out my storage unit. And I was loaded up, heading back east. And yeah, saw this guy with a sign, "Single father anything helps". Quickly looked around, kind of my dash area under my car radio. Saw I had a spray bottle hand sanitizer that I keep handy for myself. And yeah, dropped my window down, just shouted out, "Hey man, wanna bottle of hand sanitizer?" And he was like, "Yeah, anything helps!" And he ran up to my car and handed it off and he said, "God bless." And yeah, I just don't know where that's gonna take him. Tough road ahead.

Have I ever had pasties? Uhh uh oh, I didn't see this question before and I - I don't know. Oh my! This is pretty funny. Let me re-read that question. Have I ever had pasties and did I like them? So I googled pasties, which is pretty funny because I get it's either a British baked pastry. And it looks like there's stuff inside of it. Or it's another name for nipple covers, which I think I've heard it used in that realm before. I haven't tried either frankly. But I would be open to giving it a shot. I kind of want to click the Wiki page and see what's going on inside of a, a pasty. Beef skirt, potato, swede, and onion. My main weakness is being a picky eater, one of my main weaknesses I - I just am and I - I wish I wasn't but trying crazy foods is just seems like abnormally difficult for me. Seems like everyone else can try new stuff no problem, and it's all fine. But this - this is a - that's a lot going on there for me and to try it would probably... It takes willpower for me. I think that's the thing, with other people it seems like there's no willpower involved in trying new foods it - its just a thing you either choose or choose not to do. And for me, it's a wall I have to climb to some degree. Not to make it sound dramatic, but sometimes it feels traumatic like like trying a pasty full of beef and potato and onion mashed together would be a big deal for me. But I don't know, catch me on the right day and I guess I'd give it a shot.

Have I ever been someplace where it never fully got dark? I have not been some place where there was never a sunset but I've been someplace where the sunset really late. So my sen - I guess it's not really my senior year - my last year of my grad program, I was living on the East Coast pretty close to Boston and a lot of flights out of Boston, especially going to Europe are so much cheaper than they were when I was living in the midwest. So I found myself - and at the time I was also dating someone that lived in Ireland, so I kept an eye on flights for that reason. But it was probably 2015, and at that time there was a - I can't remember the name of the airline, but there was an airline that was advertising for trips to Iceland really really inexpensively. And I think their kind of shtick was that they would do a lot of like layovers in Iceland give people an opportunity to kind of tour around and then you had the option to continue onto other places in Europe if you wanted to. But they also just flew people kind of, you know straight to Iceland as well. So I remember it was my last semester and we were not done we had maybe two weeks left of class, and my friend texted me that she just found flights round trip to Iceland for a hundred and eighty dollars, I think. And so we were like, "Oh my gosh, we have to go!" And so we bought tickets and went even though we were not done with our semester. So we got there and I remember it was really convenient because the sun didn't go down for so long. I think it was bright until like 11pm, maybe even after that. And so we were kind of exploring the country during the day and then trying to stay awake and write papers. We had one big paper that was due while we were there. Thankfully, the person that went with me we were both in the same class. So we kind of had that to commiserate about, but it was really nice to have it'd be so sunny for so long. I definitely as you know, I think most humans do find their energy waning…

Note: Some language has been edited out of the transcript that is not edited out in the audio So like I said the last so my last recording I was going to work to what was probably the worst shift I've ever had. It was just really really stressful so they had me on so when I typically do is one-on-ones, so that's like I sit with literally just one other person and I'm just watching that one other person which is fine. Like I can do one-on-ones just fine. I had a two on one to where I sit and I have to watch two people. And that was stressful only because and this in my opinion was a really bad one-on-one at least to put me on because as a patient safety associate, I can't really like do much other than like watch people I can't really, like touch them and like move them and like I can kind of help them walk and stuff, but I can't like restrain them. I can't so the patient that I was sitting on was trying to leave. Which I would have had a better handle on had I not been at have- having to sit and watch a different patient while he's also trying to leave and it was just a shit show. And I already get anxious as it is sometimes and my heart rate's like f****** pounding in my ears and I'm kind of freaking out and trying not to like have a panic attack. So somebody had to like sit on them for me. And so I sat for somebody else while they watched my people so they can get so there's a tech that could get him back into his bed and stuff like that. But you truly see especially like from my standpoint how people like misconstrue the healthcare like like healthcare services versus like f****** like service the service industry. because it's really grey area sometimes because you want to give people the best carry that you can but sometimes they don't they misconstrue the best care that you they can with waiting on them like hand and foot and it's f****** annoying. Um, because obviously you want people stay to be comfortable, but when you have nurses with f******* seven to one ratio. You can't be waiting on these people hand and foot…

When I was a senior in college, I was studying abroad in Ireland. And I've got two siblings. My middle brother came to visit. So he flew into Dublin and then rented a car, drove across the country. I was basically on the opposite coast. drove across the country to meet me. We spent some time in the village that I was studying in and then we kind of drove around the country a little bit. So one of the places that we went- this is just kind of a funny aside- was in the north and we're going to Giants Causeway is the place. And I fell asleep while he was driving and when I woke up, he had been driving on the wrong side of the road for I don't know how long. I think, he was really tired or not even like he wasn't sleepy, it was like he was so fatigued from the travel and his brain wasn't, you know, he wasn't tracking and so I remember screaming at him to get on the correct side of the road and then I think on our way back from the north we went into Dublin again, and that's where we got tattoos. So his is on his wrist. And it's my handwriting and it says "do more" so he has- I'll be honest. I think it's kind of stupid, but he's got a couple of different tattoos that say various things on his body and that's what he wanted. So I wrote that out a ton of times when we were in Belfast. I remember on this napkin and today I see it and it's not like it's terrible. I've always had pretty good handwriting but I would say I've gotten better with like kind of that modern calligraphy kind of thing. And so I look at it just, you know reminds me that at the time I was not great at it, but I think that's maybe part of the charm.

That's when I heard it. "Wapa wapa wapa weeee" That sound froze my breath. My hair stood on end and my cat flew from my arms. I was squeezing the life out of him. The blanket sailed over my head. When my heart began to beat again, it started in a hyperspeed. It was beating in my throat. I started to shake. I knew I was going to vomit. I was gasping for air. I heard horrible little choking noises coming- I heard these horrible little choking noises and realized they were coming from me. It was so dark under the blanket, but there was danger looking outside the shelter I had thrown around me. I snuck my arm out slowly, slowly, slowly so that no one would see the movement. I felt for my phone. Gingerly I touched it and snatched it back into the hastily made sanctuary with me. I dialed 911 the conversation went something like this: "911 operator, This is 911, What's your emergency?"  me: gasping for air quietly, so no one would hear, trying desperately to give sound to the voice that was squeaking from my mouth. "911 operator: Hello. Is anyone there? Please state your emergency." Me squeaking and hyperventilating: "I'm here. Please, send the police." 911 operator: "State your emergency, please." Me: "There's an intruder in my home. Send a cop to get me out." 911 operator: "You have an intruder in your home ma'am, where are you?" Me still hyperventilating now crying as well: "I'm under the covers on my couch." 911 operator: "You're hiding under the covers on your couch, ma'am? Me hiccupping hyperventilating and crying: "Y-y-yes!" 911 operator: "Why?" me: "So the intruder don't get me." 911 operator: Let's see if I have this right ma'am. You're hiding under the blankets on your couch at 2:10 in the morning. So the intruder in your home won't get you." Me: "Yes, that is exactly-ly right, right. Send someone please." 911 operator: "Does the Intruder have a weapon ma'am?" Me: "Yes.Yes! Big- big teeth." 911 operator: "ma'am, could you please calm down? I'm having a difficult time understanding you- did you say teeth is his weapon?" Me: Yes. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God! 911 operator: I have your information pulled up here ma'am.  Can you tell me what exactly…

First he was sick for so long and then he passed away. And we were all just like starting to get used to like get past that that missing, that grief of having somebody gone. And then here we are having a memorial service and it starts it all going again. But it was it was a really nice-er – nice time with like I say service, but it was like a potluck in my mom's backyard. She has like a couple acres and we didn't know how many people were going to come. We were planning for as many as a hundred because of the that's about the size of the church. So well, the church is probably more like 150-200 but you know, some people are not gonna make it so we were planning for a hundred and like 30 or 40 came which was such a relief because it was just gonna be this is the first time that I've been anywhere more crowded than a doctor's office in two and a half years. so like starting with a thing with a hundred people, I was not looking forward to at all and I still would have if I could have gotten away with not going I would have not gone because of you know, worrying about health stuff because as I've mentioned before I am a- Well, I don't know- Well, yeah, I guess I'm still technically a cancer patient. Like hypothetically there's no cancer. They don't think there's any cancer in me anymore. But I guess I'm still taking a pill every day for like five years. So, I guess I'm still in treatment. but yeah, that that makes me more nervous about COVID-y stuff because I had it already but I wasn't a cancer patient when I had it before and so I well now I've got a stupid underlying condition. Or at least if I don't still I don't still have the underlying condition but I guess even people who are recovered cancer patients have increased risk of negative stuff happening even though yeah. so it was a big weekend because the first time I've been around a lot and I was able to you know, it was outside. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gone because 40 people inside a building that's just like That's a big old dollop of nope right there. There's…

It's been a week. Like I mean to say, I don't know. A lot of changing things this week. I can't label it good or bad. I guess just like unpredictable, I guess. I got reached out to by the MI, MI Diaries research team. Turns out last week, I was the 1000th participant to sign up which was so cute. I thought I might have been because I I saw the sign or the flyer and I signed up and then that week, I'd got an email that like, oh, we got our 1,000 sign up person. I was like, oh what are the odds it's me? And then I got an email and the team had given me some MI Diaries swag, which is pretty cool. Some awesome stickers. What else, what is there? I think I have the bag right next to me. A cute like handwritten note, I got some stickers, some treats, and yeah, that's just overall pretty cool.